Incessant Chatterings of Yours Truly

I am a big child.

Discussing another insurance company that did a presentation at work today:

Moi:  It was kind of a bummer. They had some good points, but in general, unless you know what's going to happen, or have some prevalent issues, I'm not sure if it'd be worth the cost.  But that's how I feel about all insurance. This is very much 'IF something happens' kind of stuff.

I feel like...the insurance I have is very 'this enables you to take care of yourself and be proactive' and this one feels very much 'well, if you go to the hospital. If you get cancer. If you are disabled. If you die...'

And I've never been one to put a lot of points in DEF.

Diem​: No, no you're not. ATTACK ALL THE THINGS BEFORE THEY TOUCH YOU!

Because Life is an RPG. And DEF is apparently my dump stat? Hm. That's probably not a /good/ thing.

Laying in bed, avoiding things this morning:

Diem: "You're pretty. Not 'hair flip' pretty, either. You are /actually/ pretty. Like...'I want to pick you and slowly watch you die' kind of pretty."
Abel: "So I'm a flower, now?"
Diem: "Sorta."
Abel: "What kind of flower am I?"
Diem: "...an orchid."
Abel laughs: "So I'm the most temperamental, obnoxious flower that everyone tries to get because it's pretty, but ultimately can't figure out how to care for, so it /dies/?"
Diem: "Yep."
Abel: "And you're the guy with the magic touch, huh?"
Diem: "Yep. I get to watch you send up a spike and bloom new flowers all the time, now."
Abel: "What color are my flowers?"
Diem: "You're asking the color-blind guy?"
Abel laughs.
Diem: "Gray, gray, gray and ultra gray."
Abel: "So...rainbow?"
Diem: "Yeah, that's what I said."

I think I'm flattered?

While playing a video game:

Diem: I..just...keep crashing into this...fucking tree...
GS: The fucking tree. Not an apple or an orange tree. What comes off of the fucking tree?
Sandnor: A lot of fucks. Oh fuck! Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck!
GS: So that's where fucks are given.
Abel: So it's like the Giving Tree?
GS: It's the give a fuck tree. It's a hybrid.
Abel: That means it's energy efficient, yes?
Sandnor: Well...it's all organic.

While speaking to Diem about one of my coworkers:

Abel: She's really great at keeping conversations going. She switches topics a lot and it just keeps it rolling.
Diem: ... ...heee. She kept talking in one long incredibly unbroken sentence moving from topic to topic it was really quite hypnotic.
Abel: Hah! Whoa, whoa, whoa! I didn't say that! I said she kept conversations going!
Diem: This is a case of what Abel said and what Diem understood.
Abel: Our relationship revolves around situations like this, doesn't it? I say something and your mind goes through its inner catalogue of movies and internet memes to try to find a sentence or a word or /something/ that might kind of sort of perhaps possibly relate to what I just said, and then your mind tries to re-explain the entire conversation to you, using said movie or meme.
Diem: Pretty much. 'This has three matching words!'
Abel: Clippy pops up or something.
Diem: 'I noticed you're trying to have a conversation! Does this help?' No, not really, but it's funny so I'm going to say it anyway.
Abel: 'I noticed you're trying to understand your girlfriend. Does this help?' No, but then again, nothing does, so let's try it.

A conversation via text:

Diem: I don't like "We Bought A Zoo". All the feeeeeeels!
Abel: Aw. Why did it make you sad?
Diem: FUCK YOU! That's why!
Abel: FINE! So's your face!
Diem: Code: There was the father-son mending relationship crap.
Abel: You really can only communicate your feelings through internet memes and movie quotes...
Diem:
Abel:

Diem: So, I've been doing something really illegal.
Abel: More illegal than usual?
Diem: ...well...eehhh.
Abel: Okay. What's that?
Diem: I've been taking those long three hour drives for work, so I downloaded google reader on my phone and have been reading on my way out to Bullhead, AZ.
Abel: ... /what/?
Diem: Yeah. I'm about halfway through The Time Machine.
Abel: .../what!?/
Diem giggling.
Abel, aghast: ...You've been /reading/!? I'm so happy!

Soul: Chex mix is a good war snack. So is ice cream.
Abel: this war brought to you by chex mix! Feel like oppressing a nation? Have some chex mix. It'll help you through that mid-war lull.
Soul: when the battle's done and you're surrounded by a pool of blood and gore and don't feel like cleaning it up, chex mix will give you the energy you need.

I love my housemates.

The Tyrean Civil War: brought to you by chex mix.

A strange thing happens when I have sushi. An even stranger thing happens when I eat it around my friends. Largely because my friends are...not...normal. How could they be? I think that most of it has to do with the special combination of sleep deprivation, the fact that I tend to go there at about midnight and that generally when you get enough people into a tightly compact space like a tatami table, strange things happen.

I am also convinced that the yumyum sauce has narcotics in it.

This past evening, I had the kind fortune of having a good friend come back to town on a second vacation in a month to Las Vegas and we took her out to our favorite sushi place.

***Pause for shameless plug, here***
Osaka is amazing. Go there.
***Fin***

I honestly cannot even begin to tell you what in the name of creepy precious moments dolls was going on but there was just entirely too much energy, inappropriate racial/gender/gay jokes going on (usually the latter about Toccoto and his unrequited love for the 40-something year old busser who is awesome and half the reason we go there), I don't even know what was happening. At one point Diem pretended to do a line of sugar off a plate and...I don't even know.

After this encounter of madness, a half dozen japanese rhythm games at Gemini and a round of capri suns, we were taking Toccoto home and...well...it started innocently enough.

For those of you not in Vegas, everyone here lives in tiny gated communities. Well, if you're (un)lucky, there's a gate. We're not sure if they're meant to keep people out or keep them in, but that's another topic all together. Not every community has a generic visitor's passcode because they're ghetto. Toccoto's place has such a gate, where I have spent much, much time lurking outside of like a stalker, waiting for someone to drive in. Technically, they're supposed to have each person living there on the list where it calls there phone, but for some really, really obnoxious reason due to procrastination on someone's part, he is not on there and I feel awkward calling his roomate.

Either way, about 2 am we're driving him in.

I apologize ahead of time to the Epic Lexington Alexander, but I'm posting this with you in mind.


Toccoto: The other day I drove home and there were, like, six cars lined up waiting for someone to let them in.
Diem: Is that where you're an asshole and drive just to the other side of the gate, then block it until it shuts?
Toccoto: Are you kidding!? I don't want to get shot.
Diem: True, true. What you didn't know is that they were all robbers.
Toccoto: Whatever, man. They're not stealing my stuff. What would they take!? My beer?
Abel: They'd take your Fu--what's it called? Your contact juggling ball? The really goofy 'cool' name the marketting crew gave it?
Diem: Fushigi ball. I remember because it's like Fushigi Yuugi.
Abel swoons: Oooooooh. That's right.
Toccoto: Still haven't seen that.
Abel: BLASPHEMY! You need to watch it!
Toccoto: Old style anime's just don't do it for me.
Abel: You're watching it.
Toccoto: I can't even watch trigun anymore.
Abel: But it has /rape/!!!!!!!! <---I have to put this many exclamation points due to the sheer zeal that I had when saying that word. Children on Christmas morning aren't this excited.
Toccoto and Diem pause awkwardly. Then burst out laughing.
Toccoto: /That's/ your hook!? 'But it has rape'!? What kind of person do you think I am where that is your final argument to make it more alluring to me!?
Diem: He has a point. It's not that it's a great story or great characters, but because there's /rape/. You're convincing Toccoto, here, not Muse.
Abel bows her head sheepishly and plays with her fingers while the boys continue to laugh: Well, I mean...It's a beautiful love story, too, and--
Toccoto: And there's rape, apparently. Beautiful love story with rape.
Diem: I'm sorry but I need to tell Lexington about this. I have to. 'You'll never guess what she said to someone about Fushigi Yuugi.'
Abel: He'll disown me! You can't!
Diem: Finally! I found a way that you'll love me better! Buahahaha!
Toccoto: All thanks to rape.
Abel: Hey, hey, now! He /had/ to rape her! Because if he didn't rape her then she would have sex with the giant red bird god who wants virgins and then he'd lose and wouldn't get his free wishes...
Toccoto: Are you listening to yourself!?
Diem: Wow...
Abel: It makes complete sense within the context of the story, guys! Besides, you watch animes about naked girls who say 'mew' and pee themselves and then kill people with invisible hands!
Toccoto: Makes sense to me.
Abel: ...It's from japan!
Diem: Fair.


There you go, kids. Watch Fushigi Yuugi; it has rape.

Again, I'm sorry, Lex. I was under the influence of sushi and ddr.

Honestly, now that I think back on it, I think that that came to mind so quickly because it was such a powerful scene wherein the main antagonist is this seriously badass blond, powerful, stony general who relentlessly psychologically tortures and brainwashes the main protagonists' best friend and he meets with the protagonist in his tent. With our protagonist being some 15 year old schoolgirl, naturally, who has to save the world but struggles with her own naivete and kind-heartedness, Nakago (protagonist badass of intensity) is dressed down all casually there's a line about 'A soldier has taken off his armor and is waiting here for you. Now why don't you show him a good time?' And that moment is so incredibly menacing and powerful that it has permanently imprinted itself on me. The guy basically seduces every other woman in the show at some point or another, and is damn good at it.

...I think I've actually subconsciously stolen a few of his lines in the past in rp, now that I think of it. Damn.


Watch anime, kids. It's good for you.

One of the perks to babysitting a ten year old who is obsessed with video games is that I have someone else to talk about pokemon to.

Yes. I love pokemon. But, like most relationships in my life, pokemon and I have a complex love and hate thing going on. For example, pokemon insists on making craptastic and ridiculous new pokemon. And I refuse to acknowledge them. Anything beyond the original 150 (because mewtwo is just a clone, and a jerk), doesn't count. That doesn't stop me from begrudgingly playing the later games, but it doesn't mean that I like it when I send a hippo filled with sand into battle. (Yes, a lizard with a flaming tail is superior to a monkey with a hand on its tail. Don't question it.)

I digress. The point is that I've been listening to one of the kids play Pokemon platinum all weekend, and being the older, wiser and undeniably cool babysitter that I am, I get to teach him new things about a game that I've been playing since before he was born.

Point in case: if you make a pokemon not evolve, it learns moves faster than its evolved counterpart. Of course, the trade off there is in its stats, but sometimes it's worth it. It's more complicated than that, of course, but that was an easy comment to toss out for the kid rather than getting into how it may change its stats around upon evolution and not follow the same course so it changes the pokemon's chemistry in your group and how it may level faster and learn different moves if you delay it, blah blah.

That being said...this is how the conversation went.

Sim: Why does this trainer have a level 26 [insert bullshit post 150 pokemon starter name here]? Mine is level 25 and it's a [insert bullshit evolved form of that pokemon here].
Abel: Well, if you choose not to evolve your pokemon, it learns moves faster. That's why some people do interrupt the evolution instead of just going through with it.
Diem: ... ...I wasn't aware of that.
Abel: That's because I'm cooler than you.
Diem: Obviously. It's kind of funny. Imagine this cute little 'aw' pokemon, pink and fluffy, putting its enemies at ease and then RAWR!
Abel: RAWR! It's true. Deception. Soooo cute. STAB!
Diem: So is that what your mom did? *mimes hitting something with a stick* NO! Don't Evolve!
Abel chuckles: Yes. Exactly. Cute and fierce.
Diem: ABEL wants to learn ADULTHOOD!
Abel: Noooooooes! I'm only a level 5!! That's more like my dad's training.

A good number of our friends have decided to take up running. Something about health and fitness...I don't know, I wasn't paying attention. But there is a set of friends who are doing a lot of races and whatnot, and in order to 'pay' for my going to gather (because I am po' folk and couldn't logically okay paying 100 dollars to hang out at a friend house for a weekend) diem and I are watching their children.

Some of you may not be aware of this, but now, when you pick up a child from school, you must have a placard with their name and teacher name on your car. Its a little like ordering food and having a number on your table.

You ordered the Billy Smith? Okay. Here you are.
Here's how that conversation went.

Diem: we need the plaquard because everyone lines up outside of the school in their cars and the teachers look at the plaquard and bring your kid out.
Abel: ...so...they all line up, like at mcdonalds?
Diem: yep. 'I'd like one small child please?'
Abel: one small child, hold the Y chromosome. Could you make it white meat?
Diem: oh shit...
Abel: hah. Hah. I'd like they girl toy please.
Diem: wow. Hold the homework, please.

So, we're now sitting in the lamb of god drive through, waiting to be served. Its like coat check for kids, really. Drop them off, show your ticket stub and get them back.

By now, most of the world has accepted this as a great truth of the universe; you can find almost anything on facebook and become a 'fan' of it or somehow 'like', 'follow', 'stalk' or whatever new terminology they're using for creepily being a voyeur of something via the internet.

Really. Almost anything.

I typed in 'rock' the other day and came up with the following pages that you can 'like':

'i kick a rock when walking, and keep on kicking the same one untill i miss' - 41,161 people like this. Even with the lack of capitalization that makes my eyes bleed.

'I go out of my way to kick a rock down the street for as long as i can(:' - 198, 759 people like this. They're also very redundant and do those annoying backwards smiles that creep me out.

'I Go Out Of My Way To Kick A Rock As I'm Walking' - 129,529 people like this. They also abuse capitalization as I do and are probably trying to make up for people who write things like the first example on this list.

'Some people just need a high five. In the face. With a rock' - 169,063 people like this. And should probably seek anger management.

'Spongebob Can't Lift A Couple Teddy Bears, But Can Lift Patrick's Rock?' - 45,227 people like this. They also have trouble suspending disbelief for a children's cartoon that features a talking seasponge in pants. They probably also thought Inception was 'too unrealistic to be good'.

'Pssh!...Bedrock?...You couldnt even make a chair rock let alone MY Bed!' - 63,402 people like this. They also probably thought it was witty and should probably have their sex organs taken away.


So, as this list illustrates, you can 'like' almost anything on facebook these days. Multiple times, as a matter of fact.


This is the thought that came to mind this evening after I finished telling Diem my day and we realized that I haven't really eaten anything except for some amazing fries at Create a Burger.

Seriously. Amazing fries.


Abel: Thank you for making me mac and cheese.
Diem: You're welcome. I am a fan of you eating.
Abel: ... ... ... I wonder if I made a page called '"Abel" eating', how many people would like it.
Diem: Well, I would. So that's one.


Oddly enough, I think that it would get quite a few. I recognize that my name, and the unusual spelling of it (not Abel, but my normal nickname), may limit the numbers a bit, but I really think that it would do pretty well. And not just in my group of people, either.

I may have to do this as a social experiment. Hm.

I have been playing pokemon white lately. Obsessively. Until four in the morning.
We also sleep in a loft bed about five feet off the ground.
This was Diem's dialogue while trying to wake me up.

ABEL is ASLEEP!
DIEM uses TOSS!
It is SUPER EFFECTIVE!
DIEM is SINGLE...

We went to the theater with our housemate and friend, who had just gone to see the Lion King 3D the night before. Let's not point out the movie addict warning signs, but instead move on in the conversation.

G.S.: Belle was my favorite because she liked to read.
Diem: Aladdin was my favorite.
Abel: no, Jasmine was your favorite.
Girl: What? Not Pocahontas?
G.S.: To be fair, if the title character is a boy, he's an animal. Aladdin is the only exception.
Diem: Well, he was a 'street rat'.
Girl: She has a point, though. The lion king was a boy and a lion.
G.S.: Bambi. Boy. Deer.
Abel: Fox and the hound, both boys. Even robin hood! They turned him into a fox!
G.S.: Its true. Disney loves the princesses.
Diem: No, they just hate men.

Much to our chagrin, in spite of all our efforts to catproof the backyard made necessarily by a dog door and the general laziness of everyone in our household and the insanity of the dogs and cats (of which there are 8 in total)...*inhale deep* ... we had a jailbreak.

Our roomate's very, very athletic bengal cat, William, made it past the fences and the precautions we built on it. So, two days of blocking the dog door and dealing with the animals, we have decided to build a nice little gazebo in the back yard to trap him inside.

But naturally there are no 9'8" by 20' gazebos, so we've acquired a 9'10" square one and have been trying to alter it.

Cue hijinks.



Diem assembling the gazebo's framework.
Abel: How do those nuts taste in your mouth?
Diem: They're better than others I've tasted.
Abel: I know you've been complaining about the taste of some nuts in your mouth, before.
Diem: Yeah, I've stuck a lot of things in my mouth during this project. These aren't terrible. Some of the best tasting nuts I've encountered, yet!

Radio was talking about the TV schedule and mentioned the season premier of 90210.

Diem: 90210? Really?
Abel: I know, I'm confused.
Diem: 90210, The Later Years.
Abel: that's one sad group, there.
Diem: I thought they already had a show for that. You know, Desperate Housewives?

On our road trip back home (which is 24+ hours of straight driving), I saw that my conscientious, patriotic (not insufferably so, just the right amount), nature loving elder brother posted something on his facebook.
Ty saw a bald eagle trapped in a tree by two crows this morning and the thought hit me...modern day symbolism for our great country?

This thought actually made diem and I giggle in sleep deprived humor for a while.

I am paraphrasing some and making it a little more linear for the sake of anyone who's actually reading this' sanity...and cutting out about five minutes when diem just stared out the window and said 'post!' And 'truck!' Whenever we passed one.


Diem:"So, now we just need a swarm of asian beetles to take out the crows?"
Abel:"So who're the crows? Crows are fantastically brilliant birds, you know..."
Diem:"Two crows; two towers. The crows are al qeida"
Abel:"*bursts out laughing* I'm glad you said the last part because 'two crows; two towers' sounds like a lotr sequel."
Diem:"Yes! The crows are the...guys..the...rawr! Smash!"
Abel:"Orcs?"
Diem:"Yes! Orcs!And the eagle is gandalf! He's like 'get off me bitches!' A-a-and then! The crows take him down and he comes back as an albino eagle 'what up bitches!? HATE CRIME!' Stomp! And then a swarm of asian beetles comes by to attack the crows! But a truck comes by and knocks the swarm down and they hit a puddle and a bunch die, and then the orkin man comes by and finishes the rest. Chemicals!"
Abel:"I love how japan has nothing to do with al qeida, but you throw them in for good measure to be extra ridiculous-offensive."
Diem: "Well, you know, I was thinking allies! And I was thinking what can swarm? Then, who are there a lot of? Aaaaaasians!"
Abel:"...I don't even know if those beetles come from japan."
Diem:"it says it right in their name! 'Asian'! They're from /asia/. Japan's a part of /asia/! The /asian continent/! I think."
Abel:"...you know, ben franklin wanted the turkey to be our national bird. You'd never see a turkey stuck in a tree taking that crap."
Diem:"No, but I did see one continually ramming itself into a fence, which is probably more accurate anyway. 'Work! Work! Work like I want you to, damnit!'. I wanted to take its head. Heeeeere we are! Born to be kings!"
Abel:"Inherit its power and then you'd be the one ramming yourself into the fence."
Diem:"Herka derp! ...and this is why aflak won't hire me. This is why gilbert godfried was fired."

Diem: if david bowie told you to strangle a puppy, would you?
Abel: yes.
Diem: if david bowie told you to strangle a puppy while sucking his cock, would you?
Abel: ... ... ... Very possibly.

Abel: I've been thinking of porn all day, trying to get and idea for that erotica I'm supposed to write.
Diem: oh yeah? How's that working for you?
Abel: meh.
Diem: really?
Abel: yeah. All the things that interest me in writing feel just like vague ideas but I can't quite pull them into description.
Diem: what?
Abel: its just like...I want to capture this vibe and feel to the story but I can't quite capture it.
Diem: oh. *long pause* just don't have the right pokeball.
Abel: *turns to stare* huh. Yeah, actually.

ABEL has encountered WILD PORN!
ABEL uses POKEBALL!
WILD PORN breaks free!