Incessant Chatterings of Yours Truly

Soul: Chex mix is a good war snack. So is ice cream.
Abel: this war brought to you by chex mix! Feel like oppressing a nation? Have some chex mix. It'll help you through that mid-war lull.
Soul: when the battle's done and you're surrounded by a pool of blood and gore and don't feel like cleaning it up, chex mix will give you the energy you need.

I love my housemates.

The Tyrean Civil War: brought to you by chex mix.

A strange thing happens when I have sushi. An even stranger thing happens when I eat it around my friends. Largely because my friends are...not...normal. How could they be? I think that most of it has to do with the special combination of sleep deprivation, the fact that I tend to go there at about midnight and that generally when you get enough people into a tightly compact space like a tatami table, strange things happen.

I am also convinced that the yumyum sauce has narcotics in it.

This past evening, I had the kind fortune of having a good friend come back to town on a second vacation in a month to Las Vegas and we took her out to our favorite sushi place.

***Pause for shameless plug, here***
Osaka is amazing. Go there.
***Fin***

I honestly cannot even begin to tell you what in the name of creepy precious moments dolls was going on but there was just entirely too much energy, inappropriate racial/gender/gay jokes going on (usually the latter about Toccoto and his unrequited love for the 40-something year old busser who is awesome and half the reason we go there), I don't even know what was happening. At one point Diem pretended to do a line of sugar off a plate and...I don't even know.

After this encounter of madness, a half dozen japanese rhythm games at Gemini and a round of capri suns, we were taking Toccoto home and...well...it started innocently enough.

For those of you not in Vegas, everyone here lives in tiny gated communities. Well, if you're (un)lucky, there's a gate. We're not sure if they're meant to keep people out or keep them in, but that's another topic all together. Not every community has a generic visitor's passcode because they're ghetto. Toccoto's place has such a gate, where I have spent much, much time lurking outside of like a stalker, waiting for someone to drive in. Technically, they're supposed to have each person living there on the list where it calls there phone, but for some really, really obnoxious reason due to procrastination on someone's part, he is not on there and I feel awkward calling his roomate.

Either way, about 2 am we're driving him in.

I apologize ahead of time to the Epic Lexington Alexander, but I'm posting this with you in mind.


Toccoto: The other day I drove home and there were, like, six cars lined up waiting for someone to let them in.
Diem: Is that where you're an asshole and drive just to the other side of the gate, then block it until it shuts?
Toccoto: Are you kidding!? I don't want to get shot.
Diem: True, true. What you didn't know is that they were all robbers.
Toccoto: Whatever, man. They're not stealing my stuff. What would they take!? My beer?
Abel: They'd take your Fu--what's it called? Your contact juggling ball? The really goofy 'cool' name the marketting crew gave it?
Diem: Fushigi ball. I remember because it's like Fushigi Yuugi.
Abel swoons: Oooooooh. That's right.
Toccoto: Still haven't seen that.
Abel: BLASPHEMY! You need to watch it!
Toccoto: Old style anime's just don't do it for me.
Abel: You're watching it.
Toccoto: I can't even watch trigun anymore.
Abel: But it has /rape/!!!!!!!! <---I have to put this many exclamation points due to the sheer zeal that I had when saying that word. Children on Christmas morning aren't this excited.
Toccoto and Diem pause awkwardly. Then burst out laughing.
Toccoto: /That's/ your hook!? 'But it has rape'!? What kind of person do you think I am where that is your final argument to make it more alluring to me!?
Diem: He has a point. It's not that it's a great story or great characters, but because there's /rape/. You're convincing Toccoto, here, not Muse.
Abel bows her head sheepishly and plays with her fingers while the boys continue to laugh: Well, I mean...It's a beautiful love story, too, and--
Toccoto: And there's rape, apparently. Beautiful love story with rape.
Diem: I'm sorry but I need to tell Lexington about this. I have to. 'You'll never guess what she said to someone about Fushigi Yuugi.'
Abel: He'll disown me! You can't!
Diem: Finally! I found a way that you'll love me better! Buahahaha!
Toccoto: All thanks to rape.
Abel: Hey, hey, now! He /had/ to rape her! Because if he didn't rape her then she would have sex with the giant red bird god who wants virgins and then he'd lose and wouldn't get his free wishes...
Toccoto: Are you listening to yourself!?
Diem: Wow...
Abel: It makes complete sense within the context of the story, guys! Besides, you watch animes about naked girls who say 'mew' and pee themselves and then kill people with invisible hands!
Toccoto: Makes sense to me.
Abel: ...It's from japan!
Diem: Fair.


There you go, kids. Watch Fushigi Yuugi; it has rape.

Again, I'm sorry, Lex. I was under the influence of sushi and ddr.

Honestly, now that I think back on it, I think that that came to mind so quickly because it was such a powerful scene wherein the main antagonist is this seriously badass blond, powerful, stony general who relentlessly psychologically tortures and brainwashes the main protagonists' best friend and he meets with the protagonist in his tent. With our protagonist being some 15 year old schoolgirl, naturally, who has to save the world but struggles with her own naivete and kind-heartedness, Nakago (protagonist badass of intensity) is dressed down all casually there's a line about 'A soldier has taken off his armor and is waiting here for you. Now why don't you show him a good time?' And that moment is so incredibly menacing and powerful that it has permanently imprinted itself on me. The guy basically seduces every other woman in the show at some point or another, and is damn good at it.

...I think I've actually subconsciously stolen a few of his lines in the past in rp, now that I think of it. Damn.


Watch anime, kids. It's good for you.

We went to the theater with our housemate and friend, who had just gone to see the Lion King 3D the night before. Let's not point out the movie addict warning signs, but instead move on in the conversation.

G.S.: Belle was my favorite because she liked to read.
Diem: Aladdin was my favorite.
Abel: no, Jasmine was your favorite.
Girl: What? Not Pocahontas?
G.S.: To be fair, if the title character is a boy, he's an animal. Aladdin is the only exception.
Diem: Well, he was a 'street rat'.
Girl: She has a point, though. The lion king was a boy and a lion.
G.S.: Bambi. Boy. Deer.
Abel: Fox and the hound, both boys. Even robin hood! They turned him into a fox!
G.S.: Its true. Disney loves the princesses.
Diem: No, they just hate men.

Much to our chagrin, in spite of all our efforts to catproof the backyard made necessarily by a dog door and the general laziness of everyone in our household and the insanity of the dogs and cats (of which there are 8 in total)...*inhale deep* ... we had a jailbreak.

Our roomate's very, very athletic bengal cat, William, made it past the fences and the precautions we built on it. So, two days of blocking the dog door and dealing with the animals, we have decided to build a nice little gazebo in the back yard to trap him inside.

But naturally there are no 9'8" by 20' gazebos, so we've acquired a 9'10" square one and have been trying to alter it.

Cue hijinks.



Diem assembling the gazebo's framework.
Abel: How do those nuts taste in your mouth?
Diem: They're better than others I've tasted.
Abel: I know you've been complaining about the taste of some nuts in your mouth, before.
Diem: Yeah, I've stuck a lot of things in my mouth during this project. These aren't terrible. Some of the best tasting nuts I've encountered, yet!

We've been catching up on Haven and I can't get over this confliction of loving and hating Duke and Nathan. Especially with all the things happening in this season.

Abel: I'd bet there's Nathan-Duke slash.
Diem: ... ... ... ...!?!?!?!?!
Abel clickity clicks on the intarwebs. Spins her laptop around: Found it!
Diem: ... ... ... ...!?!?!?!?!
Abel: Aw, this one's listed under 'First Kiss'.
Diem: ... ... ... ...
Abel laughs: "He'd spent the better part of twenty-five years acting as if he'd wished Duke were dead but now..." Wow...
Diem: ...I really hate you right now.
Abel: This one is 'Comfort Sex'!
Diem: ...I really, /really/ hate you.


Yes. All I did was type in 'Duke Crocker Nathan' and already google had pulled up a link that was full of slash stories.

Enjoy!

Visi0n: Diem this isn't mythbusters
Diem: Why not?
Visi0n: Cuz your not a host
Diem: I can be a host, I can inject myself with tons of bacteria

While watching the song 'be our guest' from disney's beauty and the beast.

Diem: So...in beauty and the beast, all the silverwear and stuff were once people, right? So. When they turn back, do they have to get all new stuff?
Abel: ...
Diem: or worse, are the beds people, too? So when you pull back the sheets, you're peeling back their skin!? 'Yeah, use your body to keep me warm!' Like a damn tauntaun or something!?
Abel: well, either that or the sheets are people, too, and its one really sick orgy.
Diem: ... ...that's a lot of forks. How many servants does this guy have!?
Abel: right, because that's the most concerning thing we've discussed in this situation...

Sitting around the fire with people:

Reed: no, you can't play Friends With Words on facebook. You can like it.
Diem: you can like anything on facebook. *points* You could 'like' that specific rock, right there!

While installing drywall:

Diem: ick. These are the worst tasting drywall screws I have ever tasted.
Abel: ...well you don't hear that every day.
Diem: its true, though...
Abel: did you expect them to taste good?
Diem: no. But I've stuck a lot of screws and nails in my mouth, and these are the worst.
Abel grin.: ... ...
Diem: yeah, I know.
Abel: there's your next multi million dollar idea: nacho cheese flavored drywall screws. Contractors will love those.
Diem: there we go. My slogan could be 'when you know it's going in your mouth, eventually'.
Abel laughs: well, you'll certainly catch some eyes...
Diem: I know! And? It can work for other product lines, too!
Abel: your craftiness scares and intrigues me.

Abel: whoo. You shut up so I got to catch up with the blog.
Diem: ... ... ... *looks at abel* ... *look* ... *look* ... Penguins are assassins.
Abel: *stare*
Diem: *shrug* just trying to think of something random.
Abel: you're a jackass.
Diem: yep! Well because, you see...the tuxes, assassins? Yeah? So, did you know they're the ones who watch after santa's place? Yeah. They're all 'cute and cuddle boys!'--thats where that movie gets it from!--then you get too close and *slitting sound*
Abel: so its not the elves you look out for. Its the penguins.
Diem: *stares* ...elves have work to do! Bake me cookies!- *squeeky voice* Ah! Wrong elf! I make toys! - *menacing voice* you will /learn/! Apron! Work!
Abel: *abe's oddworld voice* Work!
Diem: yeah!
Abel: ohhhhh...oddworld is when santa's shop is like centuries down the road.
Diem: ooohhh...that's depressing.
*long pause of depressed silence*
Diem: you know, if I were them, I'd just kill every kid named 'abe'. Then people stop naming their kids abe and we're all good.
Abel: gee, I bet they wouldve thought about that with jesus. Though the egyptians didn't have much luck with the 'child killing' bit.
Diem: nah its fine. 'Hey how's it going, this is my baby, jesus!' Kill! Done.
Abel: ...ahhhh maybe I'll name my kid 'Bob'.
Diem: That's right you will.

Diem reading billboards, "'Hellen Keller was blind to everything except the possibilities.' ... ... That's because she couldn't see Reality staring her right in the face going '...uh huh...'."

Diem:"Hey look! Bridges of madison county! Welcome to iowa! See our bridges! Heck no, stay home and watch the movie..."
Abel: "save yourself the trip?"
Diem: "yep. Just watch the documentary. Wait, didn't they try to turn it into a love movie?"
Abel: "yes."
Diem: "what the heck!? No! I want a documentary! None of this romance stuff! ...that's how they ruined Titanic."
Abel: laughs. "Because its such an inspirational story by itself..."
Diem: "yeah it is! A ship they said couldn't be sunk, and one captain determined to prove them all wrong!!!"

On our road trip back home (which is 24+ hours of straight driving), I saw that my conscientious, patriotic (not insufferably so, just the right amount), nature loving elder brother posted something on his facebook.
Ty saw a bald eagle trapped in a tree by two crows this morning and the thought hit me...modern day symbolism for our great country?

This thought actually made diem and I giggle in sleep deprived humor for a while.

I am paraphrasing some and making it a little more linear for the sake of anyone who's actually reading this' sanity...and cutting out about five minutes when diem just stared out the window and said 'post!' And 'truck!' Whenever we passed one.


Diem:"So, now we just need a swarm of asian beetles to take out the crows?"
Abel:"So who're the crows? Crows are fantastically brilliant birds, you know..."
Diem:"Two crows; two towers. The crows are al qeida"
Abel:"*bursts out laughing* I'm glad you said the last part because 'two crows; two towers' sounds like a lotr sequel."
Diem:"Yes! The crows are the...guys..the...rawr! Smash!"
Abel:"Orcs?"
Diem:"Yes! Orcs!And the eagle is gandalf! He's like 'get off me bitches!' A-a-and then! The crows take him down and he comes back as an albino eagle 'what up bitches!? HATE CRIME!' Stomp! And then a swarm of asian beetles comes by to attack the crows! But a truck comes by and knocks the swarm down and they hit a puddle and a bunch die, and then the orkin man comes by and finishes the rest. Chemicals!"
Abel:"I love how japan has nothing to do with al qeida, but you throw them in for good measure to be extra ridiculous-offensive."
Diem: "Well, you know, I was thinking allies! And I was thinking what can swarm? Then, who are there a lot of? Aaaaaasians!"
Abel:"...I don't even know if those beetles come from japan."
Diem:"it says it right in their name! 'Asian'! They're from /asia/. Japan's a part of /asia/! The /asian continent/! I think."
Abel:"...you know, ben franklin wanted the turkey to be our national bird. You'd never see a turkey stuck in a tree taking that crap."
Diem:"No, but I did see one continually ramming itself into a fence, which is probably more accurate anyway. 'Work! Work! Work like I want you to, damnit!'. I wanted to take its head. Heeeeere we are! Born to be kings!"
Abel:"Inherit its power and then you'd be the one ramming yourself into the fence."
Diem:"Herka derp! ...and this is why aflak won't hire me. This is why gilbert godfried was fired."

Diem: if david bowie told you to strangle a puppy, would you?
Abel: yes.
Diem: if david bowie told you to strangle a puppy while sucking his cock, would you?
Abel: ... ... ... Very possibly.

Upon seeing a dark blue lowrider boat with neon lines all over it.

Abel: its like someone obsessed with tron got ahold of it...
Diem: its like if cheech and chong were obsessed with tron. ... Cheech and Chron. *laughs* can you imagine? Like...cheech is the user? *in best Cheech voice* I say 'taco' they say 'taco'! *in his neutral Chron voice* Cheech, we must destroy to mcp. *cheech voice* yo, why we gotta fight? Just smoke a little weed, its all good...

Diem: what's up with the phrase 'the cats out of the bag'? How many cats do you think they had to stuff in there for it to become a phrase?
Abel: quite a few...but I'm more curious why the cat was in the bag to begin with.
Diem: exactly! What purpose was there in order for that to be a common phrase?
Abel: well, let's think about it; what is the phrase suggesting? A secret getting out, right?
Diem: yes.
Abel: okay, that's just a terrible comparison! A cat in a bag is going to be spitting and meowing and howling. That's a horrible secret!
Diem: the only thing I can't figure is that someone killed a cat, stuffed it in the bag, then picked it up from the bottom and, oops! Dead cat on the floor!
Abel: *gasp!!* that's horrifying! Killed the kids cat, kid comes home early, oh damn! Stuff it in a bag! Sitting there congealing on the livingroom floor...
Diem: I know!
Abel or! Oh my gosh...the kid killed it.
Diem: there we go, kid accidentally killed it, trying to hide it--
Abel: no!! I'm thinking a psychotic kid with animal mutilation tendancies hiding his latest victim before he can bury it.
Diem: wow.
Abel: yeah!
Diem: expressions are fucked up.
Abel: they are...they are.

On charleston, at a light, Abel sees a Reddyice truck.

Abel: why!? Why do they do that to me!? Why, Diem!? What is the purpose!?
Diem: well, because they're not saying its 'ready', they're saying its kind of a reddish tint. *pause* why they don't call it 'pinky ice' I don't know. *pause* oh! Wait. Got it. Don't want a pinky /in/ your ice.

While at the clinic for abel's yearly.

Abel: whoo, foursquare says I'm a day away from being mayor, again.
Diem: you're the mayor of home depot, aren't you?
Abel: yep!
Diem: ...so you'd be the mayor of Planned Parenthood and Home Depot. Oh shit.
Abel: hah!

Trunx: why do you have to be almost drunk to breathe perfect air?
All: !? *laughter*
Trunx: no! Because. No. Shut up. Because when I breathe sober and it breathe normal. But I'm here now and I breathe and it's...*breathes deeply* ahhhhh....

*while listening to the radio*

Abel: Drizzy Drake? Sounds like a duck with a venereal disease.
Diem: heh..."Yo, I'm Drizzy Drake, and right now, I'm taking penicillin."