Incessant Chatterings of Yours Truly

Diem was talking about one of my coworkers as he drove away, because he was holding his wrist in a very feminine manner.

 Diem: "What, does he have a broken wrist or something? I can't even get my wrist to tilt at that angle!"
 Abel: "He's a little teapot...I'm a little teapot, put it in my butt."
 Diem: "I'm a little teapot, I like tea bags...put your balls in my mouth. No more metaphors, just do it. Awl-lauwl-lauwl-lauwl..."
Abel: "Yes. That is exactly how that goes."

Asking of our dear gay advisor.

Diem: So, am I "turning" gay if I find a Nikki Minaj song catchy?
Dixon: No.
Diem: Oh, okay.
Dixon: It means you're turning super-gay.
Diem: Oh...okay. As long as I know.

Much to our chagrin, in spite of all our efforts to catproof the backyard made necessarily by a dog door and the general laziness of everyone in our household and the insanity of the dogs and cats (of which there are 8 in total)...*inhale deep* ... we had a jailbreak.

Our roomate's very, very athletic bengal cat, William, made it past the fences and the precautions we built on it. So, two days of blocking the dog door and dealing with the animals, we have decided to build a nice little gazebo in the back yard to trap him inside.

But naturally there are no 9'8" by 20' gazebos, so we've acquired a 9'10" square one and have been trying to alter it.

Cue hijinks.



Diem assembling the gazebo's framework.
Abel: How do those nuts taste in your mouth?
Diem: They're better than others I've tasted.
Abel: I know you've been complaining about the taste of some nuts in your mouth, before.
Diem: Yeah, I've stuck a lot of things in my mouth during this project. These aren't terrible. Some of the best tasting nuts I've encountered, yet!

Abel: whoo. You shut up so I got to catch up with the blog.
Diem: ... ... ... *looks at abel* ... *look* ... *look* ... Penguins are assassins.
Abel: *stare*
Diem: *shrug* just trying to think of something random.
Abel: you're a jackass.
Diem: yep! Well because, you see...the tuxes, assassins? Yeah? So, did you know they're the ones who watch after santa's place? Yeah. They're all 'cute and cuddle boys!'--thats where that movie gets it from!--then you get too close and *slitting sound*
Abel: so its not the elves you look out for. Its the penguins.
Diem: *stares* ...elves have work to do! Bake me cookies!- *squeeky voice* Ah! Wrong elf! I make toys! - *menacing voice* you will /learn/! Apron! Work!
Abel: *abe's oddworld voice* Work!
Diem: yeah!
Abel: ohhhhh...oddworld is when santa's shop is like centuries down the road.
Diem: ooohhh...that's depressing.
*long pause of depressed silence*
Diem: you know, if I were them, I'd just kill every kid named 'abe'. Then people stop naming their kids abe and we're all good.
Abel: gee, I bet they wouldve thought about that with jesus. Though the egyptians didn't have much luck with the 'child killing' bit.
Diem: nah its fine. 'Hey how's it going, this is my baby, jesus!' Kill! Done.
Abel: ...ahhhh maybe I'll name my kid 'Bob'.
Diem: That's right you will.

Diem reading billboards, "'Hellen Keller was blind to everything except the possibilities.' ... ... That's because she couldn't see Reality staring her right in the face going '...uh huh...'."

On our road trip back home (which is 24+ hours of straight driving), I saw that my conscientious, patriotic (not insufferably so, just the right amount), nature loving elder brother posted something on his facebook.
Ty saw a bald eagle trapped in a tree by two crows this morning and the thought hit me...modern day symbolism for our great country?

This thought actually made diem and I giggle in sleep deprived humor for a while.

I am paraphrasing some and making it a little more linear for the sake of anyone who's actually reading this' sanity...and cutting out about five minutes when diem just stared out the window and said 'post!' And 'truck!' Whenever we passed one.


Diem:"So, now we just need a swarm of asian beetles to take out the crows?"
Abel:"So who're the crows? Crows are fantastically brilliant birds, you know..."
Diem:"Two crows; two towers. The crows are al qeida"
Abel:"*bursts out laughing* I'm glad you said the last part because 'two crows; two towers' sounds like a lotr sequel."
Diem:"Yes! The crows are the...guys..the...rawr! Smash!"
Abel:"Orcs?"
Diem:"Yes! Orcs!And the eagle is gandalf! He's like 'get off me bitches!' A-a-and then! The crows take him down and he comes back as an albino eagle 'what up bitches!? HATE CRIME!' Stomp! And then a swarm of asian beetles comes by to attack the crows! But a truck comes by and knocks the swarm down and they hit a puddle and a bunch die, and then the orkin man comes by and finishes the rest. Chemicals!"
Abel:"I love how japan has nothing to do with al qeida, but you throw them in for good measure to be extra ridiculous-offensive."
Diem: "Well, you know, I was thinking allies! And I was thinking what can swarm? Then, who are there a lot of? Aaaaaasians!"
Abel:"...I don't even know if those beetles come from japan."
Diem:"it says it right in their name! 'Asian'! They're from /asia/. Japan's a part of /asia/! The /asian continent/! I think."
Abel:"...you know, ben franklin wanted the turkey to be our national bird. You'd never see a turkey stuck in a tree taking that crap."
Diem:"No, but I did see one continually ramming itself into a fence, which is probably more accurate anyway. 'Work! Work! Work like I want you to, damnit!'. I wanted to take its head. Heeeeere we are! Born to be kings!"
Abel:"Inherit its power and then you'd be the one ramming yourself into the fence."
Diem:"Herka derp! ...and this is why aflak won't hire me. This is why gilbert godfried was fired."

Diem: you know what freaks me out about utah?
Abel: hum?
Diem: they're obsessed with appearances. Everything is very clean and perfect and well done.
Abel: okay.
Diem: and you know who else gives off that well pressed aristocratic vibe?
Abel: ?
Diem: vampires. Right before they attack you.
Abel: !!!
Diem: its true!
Abel: so...utah is run by vampires.
Diem: yes
Abel: I thought it was run by mormons.
Diem: exactly!
Abel: so...vampires are mormons?
Diem: yes.
Abel: right. And leprocauns are gay jews
Diem: now you're getting it! They go around, trying to change people.
Abel: that's why they go door to door, right? Because they're hoping to be invited in, since they can't cross your threshold.
Diem: yes!! The only thing is, I have to figure out how they get around in the sun...
Abel: ... ... Spf 150
Diem: there you go!
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T