Incessant Chatterings of Yours Truly

While in bum-fuck Montana, Diem is trying to tether his phone to the laptop.

Diem *tries to jam the usb into his phone* uh ha ha ha, it doesn't go in that way, huh huh huh...
Abel *looks over. Smirk*
Diem: oh its fine. Just keep jamming it in; it'll stretch.
Abel !!!!
Diem *charming smile* its okay baby. It'll fit.
Abel: Typical guy...
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Talking about Gather through Montana.

Diem: Yeah I figure I'll give you Sheila during gather, if you need to go anywhere or pick anyone up.
Abel *quirk*
Diem: ?? You know. Because she's smaller.
Abel: that's awfull generous since, you know, I don't drive Persephone anyway, and always use Sheila, anyway.
Diem *embarrassed grin* yeah okay well, you know...
Abel: you always use Persephone for work anywa-- *gasp!!!*
Diem: ???
Abel: you're /unemployed/ for /Gather/!!!
Diem: ... Fuck.
Abel: you get to spend /all/ your time with us!
Diem: ...Damnit.
Abel: you did that /just/ for /us/ didn't you?
Diem: ...Shit.
Abel: awwwwwwww!!! Diem LOVES US!!! I must immediately tell /everyone/!
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Coming up on Devil's Tower in Wyoming, we had been awake since six am, with about five hours of sleep on our friend's floor. Needless to say, with a looming cold, Abel was sleeping when Diem woke her up at one of the scenic viewpoints overlooking the tower.

Diem: Hey, wake up for a second.
Abel *bleerily opens her eyes up, without her glasses on* ... ... ...there's a penis on the horizon. Let's take a look at this thing... ... *reaches for glasses*
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While visiting Diem's sister, Fred, we were discussing planning verses execution; specifically, how her ... Eh ... Mr. Reid is great at the first part, not so super on the second.

Fred: yeah, this ones great at planning. He's been planning a trip to Colorado for three years.
Mr. Reid *shrugs*
Fred: he just has to work on the execution part.
Mr. Reid: Yep, I'm working up to it, just can't quite get there.
Diem *reaches over, leveling a look at Mr. Reid with a hand to his shoulder, in most serious, brotherly tone* that part's easy--you just have to find the dot-E-X-E. *immediately doubles over in laughter*
Fred & Abel *start laughing*
Mr. Reid, obviously not a geek. *stares blankly*

Did I mention we had been drinking?
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While in a subway in Minneapolis with my best friend in the universe.

Abel: yeah, we had a discussion about how cupcakes are partially aborted birthdaycakes.
Diem: we did.
Lexington Alexander: what?
Abel: yeah, like a cake that didn't have time to grow big.
Lexington Alexander: No, but what if they were partially aborted wedding cakes. Like, a relationship that died before its time so the wedding cake was aborted.
Abel: oh my gosh, so whenever there's a person who dies, its their birthday cake!
Lexington Alexander: like that 6 year old with brain cancer who left notes all over her parent's house for when she died. Its /her/ cake!
Abel: oh my god that's awful! I'm going to send you a cupcake now with a note in crayon 'enjoy it bitch, I'll never get to!'
Lexington Alexander: hahahahah 'this shouldve been miiiiiiiine!'
Diem: I should dress like a baker. For halloween and say I'm a dream aborter.
Lexington Alexander: I'm picturing this like...close up of a doctor with a vacuum *sucking noises* then a quick switch to a baker with a frosting bag *squish noises* frosting a cake.
Abel: there's our new prochoice commercial. We like cupcakes; keep em coming.
*laughter all around*
Abel: everytime you have an abortion, a baker makes a cupcake.
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While listening to diem's 2004 cd mix labled 'good cd, 04'.

Abel: who is mario wayans??
***song starts***
Abel: oh. That's a relief, because you realize what I initially thought.
Diem: marlon wayans?
Abel: *nodding* In a mario brothers costume...
Diem: *facepalm* no I'm seeing him, in the costume, running around, chasing toad, "aaaaaaah!!!" *mimes grabbing toad and taking a bite out of his head* chewing him up and stuff "we're gonna get fucked up tonight, son!!" *more chewing and screaming*. Blood spraying everywhere, toad with little X'd out eyes, "I'm big now, mutha fucka!"
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While listening to the above song.

Diem: *bursts out laughing*
Abel: ??
Diem: some of the /stuff/ I come up with...you know that part when he says, "You know I think that thing behind you's amazing"?
Abel: *hesitant* y-yes?
Diem: I just imagined a toddler dood telling a toddler chick pulling a duck behind her--you know, those ducks that quack, with the feet? *flaps his hands to immitate the cheap plastic feet flapping*
Abel: *staring. A little scared* y-yeah?
Diem: yeah.
Abel: how did you even get to that?
Diem: okay well, you know, well, okay, he's talking about her ass. I was just thinking, what could be behind her that's just ridiculous? Well, shed have to be pulling something. So what's she pulling? a wagon? No, then thered have to be something in the wagon.
Abel: *still staring. Reaches for her phone* uh huh?
Diem: so, what about a duck with the flappy feet!? Well, if she's pulling one of those, shed be a toddler! So hed be a toddler. And he's freakin' /amazed/ by this walking, quacking duck, with the feet *once more, immitates the rotating plastic feet with his hands*
Abel: ... *typing*
Diem: ... ... Blog?
Abel: yep.
***Metro Station comes on***
Diem: oh /man/ don't even get me started on that guy!!!

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Diem: you know what freaks me out about utah?
Abel: hum?
Diem: they're obsessed with appearances. Everything is very clean and perfect and well done.
Abel: okay.
Diem: and you know who else gives off that well pressed aristocratic vibe?
Abel: ?
Diem: vampires. Right before they attack you.
Abel: !!!
Diem: its true!
Abel: so...utah is run by vampires.
Diem: yes
Abel: I thought it was run by mormons.
Diem: exactly!
Abel: so...vampires are mormons?
Diem: yes.
Abel: right. And leprocauns are gay jews
Diem: now you're getting it! They go around, trying to change people.
Abel: that's why they go door to door, right? Because they're hoping to be invited in, since they can't cross your threshold.
Diem: yes!! The only thing is, I have to figure out how they get around in the sun...
Abel: ... ... Spf 150
Diem: there you go!
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Diem loves driving, after two generations of truck drivers, its in his blood and he's damn good at it! He also has developed a number of theories as to how people should drive, in order to expediate getting from point A to point B. Lo, the Zipper Effect: While in traffic, in a construction zone, two lanes of traffic were merging together. An annoying truck was trying to jam himself in front of us after wed just let a car in. Diem: Damnit people! No! You're breaking the zipper, you're done. Abel: ? Diem: Its like a zipper. *lacing his fingers one after another to illustrate* one side, then the other. When people adhere to the zipper, things flow smoothly. Everything's cool. Abel: Right. Diem: But you try to jam two in there and it breaks the zipper, then you gotta get a new jacket! Abel: ...get a new jacket? Diem: Yeah. ... Jackets keep you warm. Abel: ... ... Yes they do

Today has been a strenuous day, and its only eleven am. Someone from my past told my sister that I was missing. Some vindictive person I told to go away two+ years ago. So I got a panicked phone call waking me up. When talking about jokingly 'allowing' our friend to kick her butt:


Diem: yeah, just what we need; some beaner from North Vegas to go 'straighten her out'.
Abel: Knowing her, she'd try to seduce him.
Diem: *visibly shudders*
Abel: Heh, hey man, you've been there.
Diem: Hey...
Abel: That black hole--
Diem: Hey...
Abel: --Between her legs--
Diem: Hey...
Abel: --Is her only natural defense.
Diem: ... ... *bursts out laughing* NONE SHALL PASS!! *suction/black hole sounds*