Posts
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Diem: if david bowie told you to strangle a puppy, would you?
Abel: yes.
Diem: if david bowie told you to strangle a puppy while sucking his cock, would you?
Abel: ... ... ... Very possibly.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Diem: I see pride! I see powah! I see a bad muddah who don't take no crap offa no one!
-you see all dat?
-ya mon. Now look in da mirrah. What do you see? Say it.
-i-i see pride...
-pride!
-i see powah...
-powah!
-i see a bad muddah who don't take no crap offa no one!!
Abel: okay, now rewind.
Diem: I see pride--
Abel: no, rewind to the beginning. This is entertaining.
Diem: *cracks up*
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Upon seeing a dark blue lowrider boat with neon lines all over it.
Abel: its like someone obsessed with tron got ahold of it...
Diem: its like if cheech and chong were obsessed with tron. ... Cheech and Chron. *laughs* can you imagine? Like...cheech is the user? *in best Cheech voice* I say 'taco' they say 'taco'! *in his neutral Chron voice* Cheech, we must destroy to mcp. *cheech voice* yo, why we gotta fight? Just smoke a little weed, its all good...
Friday, March 11, 2011
Diem: what's up with the phrase 'the cats out of the bag'? How many cats do you think they had to stuff in there for it to become a phrase?
Abel: quite a few...but I'm more curious why the cat was in the bag to begin with.
Diem: exactly! What purpose was there in order for that to be a common phrase?
Abel: well, let's think about it; what is the phrase suggesting? A secret getting out, right?
Diem: yes.
Abel: okay, that's just a terrible comparison! A cat in a bag is going to be spitting and meowing and howling. That's a horrible secret!
Diem: the only thing I can't figure is that someone killed a cat, stuffed it in the bag, then picked it up from the bottom and, oops! Dead cat on the floor!
Abel: *gasp!!* that's horrifying! Killed the kids cat, kid comes home early, oh damn! Stuff it in a bag! Sitting there congealing on the livingroom floor...
Diem: I know!
Abel or! Oh my gosh...the kid killed it.
Diem: there we go, kid accidentally killed it, trying to hide it--
Abel: no!! I'm thinking a psychotic kid with animal mutilation tendancies hiding his latest victim before he can bury it.
Diem: wow.
Abel: yeah!
Diem: expressions are fucked up.
Abel: they are...they are.
On charleston, at a light, Abel sees a Reddyice truck.
Abel: why!? Why do they do that to me!? Why, Diem!? What is the purpose!?
Diem: well, because they're not saying its 'ready', they're saying its kind of a reddish tint. *pause* why they don't call it 'pinky ice' I don't know. *pause* oh! Wait. Got it. Don't want a pinky /in/ your ice.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
While at the clinic for abel's yearly.
Abel: whoo, foursquare says I'm a day away from being mayor, again.
Diem: you're the mayor of home depot, aren't you?
Abel: yep!
Diem: ...so you'd be the mayor of Planned Parenthood and Home Depot. Oh shit.
Abel: hah!
Friday, March 4, 2011
Trunx: why do you have to be almost drunk to breathe perfect air?
All: !? *laughter*
Trunx: no! Because. No. Shut up. Because when I breathe sober and it breathe normal. But I'm here now and I breathe and it's...*breathes deeply* ahhhhh....
Monday, February 28, 2011
*while listening to the radio*
Abel: Drizzy Drake? Sounds like a duck with a venereal disease.
Diem: heh..."Yo, I'm Drizzy Drake, and right now, I'm taking penicillin."
Sunday, February 27, 2011
While shopping...
Diem: ...I want shoes like him?*looking at some random customer with converse type shoes*
Abel: really?
Diem: why not?
Abel: you've always been more of a sneaker guy.
Diem: I'm expanding my horizons. *beat* besides. If I get shoes like him, I can get the intersect in my head!
Friday, February 25, 2011
Abel: oh look! Tetherball!
Diem: yeah. They're playing it right. Stupid kids.
Abel: whu?
Diem: yeah. Supposed to whip that sucker!!
Abel: yeah, break the wrists of your fellow classmates!
Diem: nah. Tear it off and go play kickball with it. *pause, laughs* go play a /real/ game!
