Incessant Chatterings of Yours Truly

Laying in bed, avoiding things this morning:

Diem: "You're pretty. Not 'hair flip' pretty, either. You are /actually/ pretty. Like...'I want to pick you and slowly watch you die' kind of pretty."
Abel: "So I'm a flower, now?"
Diem: "Sorta."
Abel: "What kind of flower am I?"
Diem: "...an orchid."
Abel laughs: "So I'm the most temperamental, obnoxious flower that everyone tries to get because it's pretty, but ultimately can't figure out how to care for, so it /dies/?"
Diem: "Yep."
Abel: "And you're the guy with the magic touch, huh?"
Diem: "Yep. I get to watch you send up a spike and bloom new flowers all the time, now."
Abel: "What color are my flowers?"
Diem: "You're asking the color-blind guy?"
Abel laughs.
Diem: "Gray, gray, gray and ultra gray."
Abel: "So...rainbow?"
Diem: "Yeah, that's what I said."

I think I'm flattered?

While playing a video game:

Diem: I..just...keep crashing into this...fucking tree...
GS: The fucking tree. Not an apple or an orange tree. What comes off of the fucking tree?
Sandnor: A lot of fucks. Oh fuck! Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck!
GS: So that's where fucks are given.
Abel: So it's like the Giving Tree?
GS: It's the give a fuck tree. It's a hybrid.
Abel: That means it's energy efficient, yes?
Sandnor: Well...it's all organic.

Diem was talking about one of my coworkers as he drove away, because he was holding his wrist in a very feminine manner.

 Diem: "What, does he have a broken wrist or something? I can't even get my wrist to tilt at that angle!"
 Abel: "He's a little teapot...I'm a little teapot, put it in my butt."
 Diem: "I'm a little teapot, I like tea bags...put your balls in my mouth. No more metaphors, just do it. Awl-lauwl-lauwl-lauwl..."
Abel: "Yes. That is exactly how that goes."

Diem: Yay! Arm Flail!
Mandy: Lol. Double arm flail!
Diem: Double arm flail with a leg twitch!
Mandy: Double arm flail...with a leprechaun jump-heel click!
Diem: Double arm flail, with a leprechaun jump-heel click, while shouting declarations of adoration!
Mandy: Double arm flail, riding a pegacorn while farting a double rainbow of skittles and shouting declarations of adoration!
Diem: Broadsword to your pegacorn's neck while a dagger disembowels it, allowing me to string up its intestines as Christmas decorations!
Mandy: ..........I guess you decided to go another direction with all that...
Diem: hahaha! its blood will sustain me for another millenia!
Mandy: And the people will rejoice! Yay... waves little flag feebly.

While speaking to Diem about one of my coworkers:

Abel: She's really great at keeping conversations going. She switches topics a lot and it just keeps it rolling.
Diem: ... ...heee. She kept talking in one long incredibly unbroken sentence moving from topic to topic it was really quite hypnotic.
Abel: Hah! Whoa, whoa, whoa! I didn't say that! I said she kept conversations going!
Diem: This is a case of what Abel said and what Diem understood.
Abel: Our relationship revolves around situations like this, doesn't it? I say something and your mind goes through its inner catalogue of movies and internet memes to try to find a sentence or a word or /something/ that might kind of sort of perhaps possibly relate to what I just said, and then your mind tries to re-explain the entire conversation to you, using said movie or meme.
Diem: Pretty much. 'This has three matching words!'
Abel: Clippy pops up or something.
Diem: 'I noticed you're trying to have a conversation! Does this help?' No, not really, but it's funny so I'm going to say it anyway.
Abel: 'I noticed you're trying to understand your girlfriend. Does this help?' No, but then again, nothing does, so let's try it.

A conversation via text:

Diem: I don't like "We Bought A Zoo". All the feeeeeeels!
Abel: Aw. Why did it make you sad?
Diem: FUCK YOU! That's why!
Abel: FINE! So's your face!
Diem: Code: There was the father-son mending relationship crap.
Abel: You really can only communicate your feelings through internet memes and movie quotes...
Diem:
Abel:

Pulling up to a stoplight, next to a car playing 'smack that', diem has the urge to race.
Abel: you...
Diem: hey they raced too! I'm kinda surprised too.
Abel: hum?
Diem: well they have a...uh...child...carrier.
Abel: a child carrier? Like a cat carrier?
Diem: carseat! That's it!
Abel: ...child carrier. Wow.

Diem: I refuse to conform to their version of idiocy! I have my own special blend that's to be applied topically, as needed.

Diem: So, I've been doing something really illegal.
Abel: More illegal than usual?
Diem: ...well...eehhh.
Abel: Okay. What's that?
Diem: I've been taking those long three hour drives for work, so I downloaded google reader on my phone and have been reading on my way out to Bullhead, AZ.
Abel: ... /what/?
Diem: Yeah. I'm about halfway through The Time Machine.
Abel: .../what!?/
Diem giggling.
Abel, aghast: ...You've been /reading/!? I'm so happy!