Incessant Chatterings of Yours Truly

After discussing how diem nearly lost an ear at work:

Abel: I'd stay with you if you lost an ear.
Diem: ..well, thank you.
Abel: Yeah, its just a little piece.
Diem: *long thoughtful pause* I think my biggest concern would be sunglasses.
Abel: sunglasses.
Diem: yeah. Would I have to get tinted contacts or something?
Abel: I would think as long as you had a stub left, you'd be fine.
Toccoto: whatre we talking about?
Abel: if diem lost his ear, how hed wear sunglasses.
Toccoto: you could just tape it.
Diem: itd get in the hair, then.
Abel: you could just cut one off a rat's back and staple it on to support it.
Toccoto: or take a Mr. Potato Head ear and jam it in there.
Diem & Abel: *stop and exchange glances*
Abel: thatd work.

Coming upon a kia rondo on the highway with 'for sale' on it...
Diem: look at that, we could get a kia.
Abel: ... Cute little car
Diem: *awkward pause*
Abel: ...what?
Diem: I dunno, just didn't see that car as 'cute'.
Abel: ...its little. Its like a little...beetle.
Its tiny. Its this big dood. *holds up a circle with her fingers, about two inches wide.*
Diem: I think its a kia version of a mini van.
Abel:...what??
Diem: yeah.
Abel: what? How...what?! They're missing the last quarter of their car. Its like the kia version of a mini cooper.
Diem: I don't know, look when it passes, that's what it looks like.
Abel: ...reminds me of your grandmas car.
Diem: her rendezvous?
Abel: yeah, that. Its an optical illusion. Its huge inside. It has some crazy...time space continuum in it. Like someone took a bag of holding and turned it into a car.
Diem: *grin*
Abel: ...what? It is!!

So di diem and I are texting about when di and julie are gone in june, that matt will starve but the dogs will have food.
Apparently, via the diemcyclopedia of knowledge, they have seen that dogs will die beside their owners before eating them. However, the cats will survive.
So, cute little Samantha-- who only moves to pee and to barely hobble to the wicker chest for food-- will eat Matt's face before starving to death, while their beagle, Vesper, will lay down and die. Sam will bite into his eyeball like a plump grape.