Incessant Chatterings of Yours Truly

After a satisfying meal of sweet and sour chicken at a local thai place, Toccoto and I were talking about neat cultural traditions and clothing.


Toccoto: my sister is always lamenting how cool saris are and how she can't wear one because she's white.

Abel: Perry's white.

Toccoto: yeah but she married an indian guy.

Abel: reminds me of that episode of scrubs where Elliot says 'gosh! I wish I was ethnic!!'

Toccoto: aw c'mon we have cool ethnic stuff.

Abel: like what?

Toccoto: well, we used to. Like christmas! But then everyone else took it from us and made it theirs too! They can have christmas but I can't have a quincenera because I'm not a 15 year old mexican girl!

Abel blink blink blink.

Toccoto: don't even get me started on barmitzvas...

A strange thing happens when I have sushi. An even stranger thing happens when I eat it around my friends. Largely because my friends are...not...normal. How could they be? I think that most of it has to do with the special combination of sleep deprivation, the fact that I tend to go there at about midnight and that generally when you get enough people into a tightly compact space like a tatami table, strange things happen.

I am also convinced that the yumyum sauce has narcotics in it.

This past evening, I had the kind fortune of having a good friend come back to town on a second vacation in a month to Las Vegas and we took her out to our favorite sushi place.

***Pause for shameless plug, here***
Osaka is amazing. Go there.
***Fin***

I honestly cannot even begin to tell you what in the name of creepy precious moments dolls was going on but there was just entirely too much energy, inappropriate racial/gender/gay jokes going on (usually the latter about Toccoto and his unrequited love for the 40-something year old busser who is awesome and half the reason we go there), I don't even know what was happening. At one point Diem pretended to do a line of sugar off a plate and...I don't even know.

After this encounter of madness, a half dozen japanese rhythm games at Gemini and a round of capri suns, we were taking Toccoto home and...well...it started innocently enough.

For those of you not in Vegas, everyone here lives in tiny gated communities. Well, if you're (un)lucky, there's a gate. We're not sure if they're meant to keep people out or keep them in, but that's another topic all together. Not every community has a generic visitor's passcode because they're ghetto. Toccoto's place has such a gate, where I have spent much, much time lurking outside of like a stalker, waiting for someone to drive in. Technically, they're supposed to have each person living there on the list where it calls there phone, but for some really, really obnoxious reason due to procrastination on someone's part, he is not on there and I feel awkward calling his roomate.

Either way, about 2 am we're driving him in.

I apologize ahead of time to the Epic Lexington Alexander, but I'm posting this with you in mind.


Toccoto: The other day I drove home and there were, like, six cars lined up waiting for someone to let them in.
Diem: Is that where you're an asshole and drive just to the other side of the gate, then block it until it shuts?
Toccoto: Are you kidding!? I don't want to get shot.
Diem: True, true. What you didn't know is that they were all robbers.
Toccoto: Whatever, man. They're not stealing my stuff. What would they take!? My beer?
Abel: They'd take your Fu--what's it called? Your contact juggling ball? The really goofy 'cool' name the marketting crew gave it?
Diem: Fushigi ball. I remember because it's like Fushigi Yuugi.
Abel swoons: Oooooooh. That's right.
Toccoto: Still haven't seen that.
Abel: BLASPHEMY! You need to watch it!
Toccoto: Old style anime's just don't do it for me.
Abel: You're watching it.
Toccoto: I can't even watch trigun anymore.
Abel: But it has /rape/!!!!!!!! <---I have to put this many exclamation points due to the sheer zeal that I had when saying that word. Children on Christmas morning aren't this excited.
Toccoto and Diem pause awkwardly. Then burst out laughing.
Toccoto: /That's/ your hook!? 'But it has rape'!? What kind of person do you think I am where that is your final argument to make it more alluring to me!?
Diem: He has a point. It's not that it's a great story or great characters, but because there's /rape/. You're convincing Toccoto, here, not Muse.
Abel bows her head sheepishly and plays with her fingers while the boys continue to laugh: Well, I mean...It's a beautiful love story, too, and--
Toccoto: And there's rape, apparently. Beautiful love story with rape.
Diem: I'm sorry but I need to tell Lexington about this. I have to. 'You'll never guess what she said to someone about Fushigi Yuugi.'
Abel: He'll disown me! You can't!
Diem: Finally! I found a way that you'll love me better! Buahahaha!
Toccoto: All thanks to rape.
Abel: Hey, hey, now! He /had/ to rape her! Because if he didn't rape her then she would have sex with the giant red bird god who wants virgins and then he'd lose and wouldn't get his free wishes...
Toccoto: Are you listening to yourself!?
Diem: Wow...
Abel: It makes complete sense within the context of the story, guys! Besides, you watch animes about naked girls who say 'mew' and pee themselves and then kill people with invisible hands!
Toccoto: Makes sense to me.
Abel: ...It's from japan!
Diem: Fair.


There you go, kids. Watch Fushigi Yuugi; it has rape.

Again, I'm sorry, Lex. I was under the influence of sushi and ddr.

Honestly, now that I think back on it, I think that that came to mind so quickly because it was such a powerful scene wherein the main antagonist is this seriously badass blond, powerful, stony general who relentlessly psychologically tortures and brainwashes the main protagonists' best friend and he meets with the protagonist in his tent. With our protagonist being some 15 year old schoolgirl, naturally, who has to save the world but struggles with her own naivete and kind-heartedness, Nakago (protagonist badass of intensity) is dressed down all casually there's a line about 'A soldier has taken off his armor and is waiting here for you. Now why don't you show him a good time?' And that moment is so incredibly menacing and powerful that it has permanently imprinted itself on me. The guy basically seduces every other woman in the show at some point or another, and is damn good at it.

...I think I've actually subconsciously stolen a few of his lines in the past in rp, now that I think of it. Damn.


Watch anime, kids. It's good for you.

One of the perks to babysitting a ten year old who is obsessed with video games is that I have someone else to talk about pokemon to.

Yes. I love pokemon. But, like most relationships in my life, pokemon and I have a complex love and hate thing going on. For example, pokemon insists on making craptastic and ridiculous new pokemon. And I refuse to acknowledge them. Anything beyond the original 150 (because mewtwo is just a clone, and a jerk), doesn't count. That doesn't stop me from begrudgingly playing the later games, but it doesn't mean that I like it when I send a hippo filled with sand into battle. (Yes, a lizard with a flaming tail is superior to a monkey with a hand on its tail. Don't question it.)

I digress. The point is that I've been listening to one of the kids play Pokemon platinum all weekend, and being the older, wiser and undeniably cool babysitter that I am, I get to teach him new things about a game that I've been playing since before he was born.

Point in case: if you make a pokemon not evolve, it learns moves faster than its evolved counterpart. Of course, the trade off there is in its stats, but sometimes it's worth it. It's more complicated than that, of course, but that was an easy comment to toss out for the kid rather than getting into how it may change its stats around upon evolution and not follow the same course so it changes the pokemon's chemistry in your group and how it may level faster and learn different moves if you delay it, blah blah.

That being said...this is how the conversation went.

Sim: Why does this trainer have a level 26 [insert bullshit post 150 pokemon starter name here]? Mine is level 25 and it's a [insert bullshit evolved form of that pokemon here].
Abel: Well, if you choose not to evolve your pokemon, it learns moves faster. That's why some people do interrupt the evolution instead of just going through with it.
Diem: ... ...I wasn't aware of that.
Abel: That's because I'm cooler than you.
Diem: Obviously. It's kind of funny. Imagine this cute little 'aw' pokemon, pink and fluffy, putting its enemies at ease and then RAWR!
Abel: RAWR! It's true. Deception. Soooo cute. STAB!
Diem: So is that what your mom did? *mimes hitting something with a stick* NO! Don't Evolve!
Abel chuckles: Yes. Exactly. Cute and fierce.
Diem: ABEL wants to learn ADULTHOOD!
Abel: Noooooooes! I'm only a level 5!! That's more like my dad's training.

A good number of our friends have decided to take up running. Something about health and fitness...I don't know, I wasn't paying attention. But there is a set of friends who are doing a lot of races and whatnot, and in order to 'pay' for my going to gather (because I am po' folk and couldn't logically okay paying 100 dollars to hang out at a friend house for a weekend) diem and I are watching their children.

Some of you may not be aware of this, but now, when you pick up a child from school, you must have a placard with their name and teacher name on your car. Its a little like ordering food and having a number on your table.

You ordered the Billy Smith? Okay. Here you are.
Here's how that conversation went.

Diem: we need the plaquard because everyone lines up outside of the school in their cars and the teachers look at the plaquard and bring your kid out.
Abel: ...so...they all line up, like at mcdonalds?
Diem: yep. 'I'd like one small child please?'
Abel: one small child, hold the Y chromosome. Could you make it white meat?
Diem: oh shit...
Abel: hah. Hah. I'd like they girl toy please.
Diem: wow. Hold the homework, please.

So, we're now sitting in the lamb of god drive through, waiting to be served. Its like coat check for kids, really. Drop them off, show your ticket stub and get them back.

Exhausting. Exhilerating. Gather has come and gone for another year and I am beyond tired, but extremely happy to have seen some of my favorite people and spend too much time dressing up and playing pretend.

That being said, this is something I can share with you lot that won't confuse you due to being full of game lingo.

Toccoto sits in Thrus's chair.
Thrus: ...you stole my chair!
Toccoto: well, it -is- columbus day.

Short and sweet. Good night world.

By now, most of the world has accepted this as a great truth of the universe; you can find almost anything on facebook and become a 'fan' of it or somehow 'like', 'follow', 'stalk' or whatever new terminology they're using for creepily being a voyeur of something via the internet.

Really. Almost anything.

I typed in 'rock' the other day and came up with the following pages that you can 'like':

'i kick a rock when walking, and keep on kicking the same one untill i miss' - 41,161 people like this. Even with the lack of capitalization that makes my eyes bleed.

'I go out of my way to kick a rock down the street for as long as i can(:' - 198, 759 people like this. They're also very redundant and do those annoying backwards smiles that creep me out.

'I Go Out Of My Way To Kick A Rock As I'm Walking' - 129,529 people like this. They also abuse capitalization as I do and are probably trying to make up for people who write things like the first example on this list.

'Some people just need a high five. In the face. With a rock' - 169,063 people like this. And should probably seek anger management.

'Spongebob Can't Lift A Couple Teddy Bears, But Can Lift Patrick's Rock?' - 45,227 people like this. They also have trouble suspending disbelief for a children's cartoon that features a talking seasponge in pants. They probably also thought Inception was 'too unrealistic to be good'.

'Pssh!...Bedrock?...You couldnt even make a chair rock let alone MY Bed!' - 63,402 people like this. They also probably thought it was witty and should probably have their sex organs taken away.


So, as this list illustrates, you can 'like' almost anything on facebook these days. Multiple times, as a matter of fact.


This is the thought that came to mind this evening after I finished telling Diem my day and we realized that I haven't really eaten anything except for some amazing fries at Create a Burger.

Seriously. Amazing fries.


Abel: Thank you for making me mac and cheese.
Diem: You're welcome. I am a fan of you eating.
Abel: ... ... ... I wonder if I made a page called '"Abel" eating', how many people would like it.
Diem: Well, I would. So that's one.


Oddly enough, I think that it would get quite a few. I recognize that my name, and the unusual spelling of it (not Abel, but my normal nickname), may limit the numbers a bit, but I really think that it would do pretty well. And not just in my group of people, either.

I may have to do this as a social experiment. Hm.

It was a work day at the house, and G.S. Was making a quilt and putting the interfacing on the fabric while Diem and I were trying to refit the wine fridge into the wall.

G.S.: mmmm efficiency. Finding the most efficient way to put the interfacing on is great. Take it! Take it and like it.

Diem & Abel stop and stare.

G.S.: yes, efficiency makes me hot.

Abel: that's good to know. If you ever get a boyfriend, I can give him tips. He has to be a German guy, though. Efficiency and all.

G.S.: we already know I like the big, blonde, beefy guys. This could work! Which is why we're going to Oktoberfest! Big, beefy, blonde, efficient Germen men. Mmmm. Plus! Potatos!!

Abel & Diem crack up.

Abel: big, beefy, blonde men, plus potatos. That's one hell of a combination.

I have been playing pokemon white lately. Obsessively. Until four in the morning.
We also sleep in a loft bed about five feet off the ground.
This was Diem's dialogue while trying to wake me up.

ABEL is ASLEEP!
DIEM uses TOSS!
It is SUPER EFFECTIVE!
DIEM is SINGLE...

We went to the theater with our housemate and friend, who had just gone to see the Lion King 3D the night before. Let's not point out the movie addict warning signs, but instead move on in the conversation.

G.S.: Belle was my favorite because she liked to read.
Diem: Aladdin was my favorite.
Abel: no, Jasmine was your favorite.
Girl: What? Not Pocahontas?
G.S.: To be fair, if the title character is a boy, he's an animal. Aladdin is the only exception.
Diem: Well, he was a 'street rat'.
Girl: She has a point, though. The lion king was a boy and a lion.
G.S.: Bambi. Boy. Deer.
Abel: Fox and the hound, both boys. Even robin hood! They turned him into a fox!
G.S.: Its true. Disney loves the princesses.
Diem: No, they just hate men.

Much to our chagrin, in spite of all our efforts to catproof the backyard made necessarily by a dog door and the general laziness of everyone in our household and the insanity of the dogs and cats (of which there are 8 in total)...*inhale deep* ... we had a jailbreak.

Our roomate's very, very athletic bengal cat, William, made it past the fences and the precautions we built on it. So, two days of blocking the dog door and dealing with the animals, we have decided to build a nice little gazebo in the back yard to trap him inside.

But naturally there are no 9'8" by 20' gazebos, so we've acquired a 9'10" square one and have been trying to alter it.

Cue hijinks.



Diem assembling the gazebo's framework.
Abel: How do those nuts taste in your mouth?
Diem: They're better than others I've tasted.
Abel: I know you've been complaining about the taste of some nuts in your mouth, before.
Diem: Yeah, I've stuck a lot of things in my mouth during this project. These aren't terrible. Some of the best tasting nuts I've encountered, yet!

We've been catching up on Haven and I can't get over this confliction of loving and hating Duke and Nathan. Especially with all the things happening in this season.

Abel: I'd bet there's Nathan-Duke slash.
Diem: ... ... ... ...!?!?!?!?!
Abel clickity clicks on the intarwebs. Spins her laptop around: Found it!
Diem: ... ... ... ...!?!?!?!?!
Abel: Aw, this one's listed under 'First Kiss'.
Diem: ... ... ... ...
Abel laughs: "He'd spent the better part of twenty-five years acting as if he'd wished Duke were dead but now..." Wow...
Diem: ...I really hate you right now.
Abel: This one is 'Comfort Sex'!
Diem: ...I really, /really/ hate you.


Yes. All I did was type in 'Duke Crocker Nathan' and already google had pulled up a link that was full of slash stories.

Enjoy!

Radio was talking about the TV schedule and mentioned the season premier of 90210.

Diem: 90210? Really?
Abel: I know, I'm confused.
Diem: 90210, The Later Years.
Abel: that's one sad group, there.
Diem: I thought they already had a show for that. You know, Desperate Housewives?

**2005**
Addy: where's Mr. White Shirt?
Abel: Mr. White Shirt?
Addy: Yeah, Josh. I've never seen him in anything but a white shirt.
Abel & Lexington laugh madly.

**2011**
Abel: There's some crazy plants in the desert. Yukka, cactus, joshua trees.
Lexington: Joshua trees? What do they look like? Do they have white shirts?
Abel busts up laughing: I have missed you!

Sionkou: What's one below an octagon?
Diem: A septagon?
Sionkou: Deceptagon?
Abel: Polygons in disguise!

Visi0n: Diem this isn't mythbusters
Diem: Why not?
Visi0n: Cuz your not a host
Diem: I can be a host, I can inject myself with tons of bacteria

While watching the song 'be our guest' from disney's beauty and the beast.

Diem: So...in beauty and the beast, all the silverwear and stuff were once people, right? So. When they turn back, do they have to get all new stuff?
Abel: ...
Diem: or worse, are the beds people, too? So when you pull back the sheets, you're peeling back their skin!? 'Yeah, use your body to keep me warm!' Like a damn tauntaun or something!?
Abel: well, either that or the sheets are people, too, and its one really sick orgy.
Diem: ... ...that's a lot of forks. How many servants does this guy have!?
Abel: right, because that's the most concerning thing we've discussed in this situation...

Sitting around the fire with people:

Reed: no, you can't play Friends With Words on facebook. You can like it.
Diem: you can like anything on facebook. *points* You could 'like' that specific rock, right there!

While installing drywall:

Diem: ick. These are the worst tasting drywall screws I have ever tasted.
Abel: ...well you don't hear that every day.
Diem: its true, though...
Abel: did you expect them to taste good?
Diem: no. But I've stuck a lot of screws and nails in my mouth, and these are the worst.
Abel grin.: ... ...
Diem: yeah, I know.
Abel: there's your next multi million dollar idea: nacho cheese flavored drywall screws. Contractors will love those.
Diem: there we go. My slogan could be 'when you know it's going in your mouth, eventually'.
Abel laughs: well, you'll certainly catch some eyes...
Diem: I know! And? It can work for other product lines, too!
Abel: your craftiness scares and intrigues me.

Abel: whoo. You shut up so I got to catch up with the blog.
Diem: ... ... ... *looks at abel* ... *look* ... *look* ... Penguins are assassins.
Abel: *stare*
Diem: *shrug* just trying to think of something random.
Abel: you're a jackass.
Diem: yep! Well because, you see...the tuxes, assassins? Yeah? So, did you know they're the ones who watch after santa's place? Yeah. They're all 'cute and cuddle boys!'--thats where that movie gets it from!--then you get too close and *slitting sound*
Abel: so its not the elves you look out for. Its the penguins.
Diem: *stares* ...elves have work to do! Bake me cookies!- *squeeky voice* Ah! Wrong elf! I make toys! - *menacing voice* you will /learn/! Apron! Work!
Abel: *abe's oddworld voice* Work!
Diem: yeah!
Abel: ohhhhh...oddworld is when santa's shop is like centuries down the road.
Diem: ooohhh...that's depressing.
*long pause of depressed silence*
Diem: you know, if I were them, I'd just kill every kid named 'abe'. Then people stop naming their kids abe and we're all good.
Abel: gee, I bet they wouldve thought about that with jesus. Though the egyptians didn't have much luck with the 'child killing' bit.
Diem: nah its fine. 'Hey how's it going, this is my baby, jesus!' Kill! Done.
Abel: ...ahhhh maybe I'll name my kid 'Bob'.
Diem: That's right you will.

Diem reading billboards, "'Hellen Keller was blind to everything except the possibilities.' ... ... That's because she couldn't see Reality staring her right in the face going '...uh huh...'."

Diem:"Hey look! Bridges of madison county! Welcome to iowa! See our bridges! Heck no, stay home and watch the movie..."
Abel: "save yourself the trip?"
Diem: "yep. Just watch the documentary. Wait, didn't they try to turn it into a love movie?"
Abel: "yes."
Diem: "what the heck!? No! I want a documentary! None of this romance stuff! ...that's how they ruined Titanic."
Abel: laughs. "Because its such an inspirational story by itself..."
Diem: "yeah it is! A ship they said couldn't be sunk, and one captain determined to prove them all wrong!!!"

On our road trip back home (which is 24+ hours of straight driving), I saw that my conscientious, patriotic (not insufferably so, just the right amount), nature loving elder brother posted something on his facebook.
Ty saw a bald eagle trapped in a tree by two crows this morning and the thought hit me...modern day symbolism for our great country?

This thought actually made diem and I giggle in sleep deprived humor for a while.

I am paraphrasing some and making it a little more linear for the sake of anyone who's actually reading this' sanity...and cutting out about five minutes when diem just stared out the window and said 'post!' And 'truck!' Whenever we passed one.


Diem:"So, now we just need a swarm of asian beetles to take out the crows?"
Abel:"So who're the crows? Crows are fantastically brilliant birds, you know..."
Diem:"Two crows; two towers. The crows are al qeida"
Abel:"*bursts out laughing* I'm glad you said the last part because 'two crows; two towers' sounds like a lotr sequel."
Diem:"Yes! The crows are the...guys..the...rawr! Smash!"
Abel:"Orcs?"
Diem:"Yes! Orcs!And the eagle is gandalf! He's like 'get off me bitches!' A-a-and then! The crows take him down and he comes back as an albino eagle 'what up bitches!? HATE CRIME!' Stomp! And then a swarm of asian beetles comes by to attack the crows! But a truck comes by and knocks the swarm down and they hit a puddle and a bunch die, and then the orkin man comes by and finishes the rest. Chemicals!"
Abel:"I love how japan has nothing to do with al qeida, but you throw them in for good measure to be extra ridiculous-offensive."
Diem: "Well, you know, I was thinking allies! And I was thinking what can swarm? Then, who are there a lot of? Aaaaaasians!"
Abel:"...I don't even know if those beetles come from japan."
Diem:"it says it right in their name! 'Asian'! They're from /asia/. Japan's a part of /asia/! The /asian continent/! I think."
Abel:"...you know, ben franklin wanted the turkey to be our national bird. You'd never see a turkey stuck in a tree taking that crap."
Diem:"No, but I did see one continually ramming itself into a fence, which is probably more accurate anyway. 'Work! Work! Work like I want you to, damnit!'. I wanted to take its head. Heeeeere we are! Born to be kings!"
Abel:"Inherit its power and then you'd be the one ramming yourself into the fence."
Diem:"Herka derp! ...and this is why aflak won't hire me. This is why gilbert godfried was fired."

Diem: if david bowie told you to strangle a puppy, would you?
Abel: yes.
Diem: if david bowie told you to strangle a puppy while sucking his cock, would you?
Abel: ... ... ... Very possibly.

Diem: I see pride! I see powah! I see a bad muddah who don't take no crap offa no one!
-you see all dat?
-ya mon. Now look in da mirrah. What do you see? Say it.
-i-i see pride...
-pride!
-i see powah...
-powah!
-i see a bad muddah who don't take no crap offa no one!!

Abel: okay, now rewind.
Diem: I see pride--
Abel: no, rewind to the beginning. This is entertaining.
Diem: *cracks up*

Upon seeing a dark blue lowrider boat with neon lines all over it.

Abel: its like someone obsessed with tron got ahold of it...
Diem: its like if cheech and chong were obsessed with tron. ... Cheech and Chron. *laughs* can you imagine? Like...cheech is the user? *in best Cheech voice* I say 'taco' they say 'taco'! *in his neutral Chron voice* Cheech, we must destroy to mcp. *cheech voice* yo, why we gotta fight? Just smoke a little weed, its all good...

Diem: what's up with the phrase 'the cats out of the bag'? How many cats do you think they had to stuff in there for it to become a phrase?
Abel: quite a few...but I'm more curious why the cat was in the bag to begin with.
Diem: exactly! What purpose was there in order for that to be a common phrase?
Abel: well, let's think about it; what is the phrase suggesting? A secret getting out, right?
Diem: yes.
Abel: okay, that's just a terrible comparison! A cat in a bag is going to be spitting and meowing and howling. That's a horrible secret!
Diem: the only thing I can't figure is that someone killed a cat, stuffed it in the bag, then picked it up from the bottom and, oops! Dead cat on the floor!
Abel: *gasp!!* that's horrifying! Killed the kids cat, kid comes home early, oh damn! Stuff it in a bag! Sitting there congealing on the livingroom floor...
Diem: I know!
Abel or! Oh my gosh...the kid killed it.
Diem: there we go, kid accidentally killed it, trying to hide it--
Abel: no!! I'm thinking a psychotic kid with animal mutilation tendancies hiding his latest victim before he can bury it.
Diem: wow.
Abel: yeah!
Diem: expressions are fucked up.
Abel: they are...they are.

On charleston, at a light, Abel sees a Reddyice truck.

Abel: why!? Why do they do that to me!? Why, Diem!? What is the purpose!?
Diem: well, because they're not saying its 'ready', they're saying its kind of a reddish tint. *pause* why they don't call it 'pinky ice' I don't know. *pause* oh! Wait. Got it. Don't want a pinky /in/ your ice.

While at the clinic for abel's yearly.

Abel: whoo, foursquare says I'm a day away from being mayor, again.
Diem: you're the mayor of home depot, aren't you?
Abel: yep!
Diem: ...so you'd be the mayor of Planned Parenthood and Home Depot. Oh shit.
Abel: hah!

Trunx: why do you have to be almost drunk to breathe perfect air?
All: !? *laughter*
Trunx: no! Because. No. Shut up. Because when I breathe sober and it breathe normal. But I'm here now and I breathe and it's...*breathes deeply* ahhhhh....

*while listening to the radio*

Abel: Drizzy Drake? Sounds like a duck with a venereal disease.
Diem: heh..."Yo, I'm Drizzy Drake, and right now, I'm taking penicillin."

While shopping...
Diem: ...I want shoes like him?*looking at some random customer with converse type shoes*
Abel: really?
Diem: why not?
Abel: you've always been more of a sneaker guy.
Diem: I'm expanding my horizons. *beat* besides. If I get shoes like him, I can get the intersect in my head!

Abel: oh look! Tetherball!
Diem: yeah. They're playing it right. Stupid kids.
Abel: whu?
Diem: yeah. Supposed to whip that sucker!!
Abel: yeah, break the wrists of your fellow classmates!
Diem: nah. Tear it off and go play kickball with it. *pause, laughs* go play a /real/ game!

Diem: they said mary magdalene was a whore, right?
Abel: as far as I know, yeah.
Diem: so who was she with?
Abel: ...you mean...whod she whore with?
Diem: yeah. Who was she with?
Abel: ...I don't know if whores keep a client list.
Diem: I don't know, I mean, 'whore' is a little harsh. She was probably more high class.
Abel: what? Why?
Diem: because she hung out with jesus! The son of god or whatever! I want to know how to get on /that/ list.
Abel: ...yo want to have the same whore that followed jesus around.
Diem: yeah! Not /that's/ exclusivity.

Diem: see, we went to the rich school, but we were po'.
Abel: not 'poor', but 'po''. You couldn't afford the 'R'.
Diem: No. We couldn't afford the 'OR' (ore). *points* think about it...


Abel: You're just being contradictory.
Diem: No I'm not.

Our most beloved Troll Under the Stairs, Sandnor, came up with this one evening when he came up for food. Rather dramatically.

"Faster than an old school main frame.
More powerful than a TI-35 calculator.
Able to jump conclusions with a single point of data.
It's a bird!
No...he's flipping us the bird.
It's a plane!
No...he's hijacking a plane.
It's Super Troll!"

Abel: ooh, I love this song. *sing* with a black-haired flamanco dancer...
Toccoto: *listens*hey, I like the flamenco dancer. Mr. Jones has good taste.
Abel: he does.
Tocoto: Mr Jones? Are we sure its not Dr. Jones? As in Indiana?
Abel: no, no, its Mr.
Toccoto: oh, okay, because Indiana got his Doctorate in archaeology.
Abel: he minored in kicking ass. Dr Indiana Jones, Doctor of kickassery.
Toccoto: either that or foiling nazi regimes.

Abel: I've been thinking of porn all day, trying to get and idea for that erotica I'm supposed to write.
Diem: oh yeah? How's that working for you?
Abel: meh.
Diem: really?
Abel: yeah. All the things that interest me in writing feel just like vague ideas but I can't quite pull them into description.
Diem: what?
Abel: its just like...I want to capture this vibe and feel to the story but I can't quite capture it.
Diem: oh. *long pause* just don't have the right pokeball.
Abel: *turns to stare* huh. Yeah, actually.

ABEL has encountered WILD PORN!
ABEL uses POKEBALL!
WILD PORN breaks free!

One of the many reasons I know that I have a terrible sense of humor and a somewhat warped view of death is because while I do mourn a couple people's passing, every once in a while when I see someone really /dragging/ out their mourning process on a public forum like Facebook, I start making jokes about it.

My favorites are when people talk to facebook like they're talking to the person who died. I have to restrain the urge to reply to their heartfelt and often excessively enigmatic comment 'to' the person and remind them:

"I don't think there's Facebook in Heaven."

Now, let's set aside the fact that I don't believe in Heaven and the dispute of faith, but /if/ Facebook is anywhere, it's Hell. Let's be honest for a moment. Facebook, Twitter, Myspace are all our own personal windows into Hell.

So. If that person were to suddenly pop up and answer that very personal message, it would mean they're reading it in Hell. Probably being /forced/ to read it and every other stupid, inane message written not only on your friends' walls, but everyone's walls. Every. One. In the world.


I also think about making that person a facebook (or hacking their existing one) and responding to the message, myself. Just to see what happens.

'I miss you, grandpa!'
'I miss you, too, sweetie. See you in 30 years. Bring toilet paper. There's a shortage down here.'


-Abel

Abel: yeah I have a hunsky burning a hole in my pocket.
Diem: cool.
Abel: yep. A c note. A benny franklin.
Diem: you know, washington should be on the hundred don't you think?
Abel: why? He's on the one. More people see the one. Its in circulation more.
Diem: yeah but everyones striving for the benny.
Abel: yes, but this way, if you think about it, he's honored more because people see him every day.
Diem: honored by giving him two pieces of tiny currency?
Abel: yeah, because he's around more.
Diem: still. He was the founder of our nation and therefor has more value! Pfft okay ben was a founding father but whatever. Electricity, whatever, stole that shit from Tesla anyway.
Abel: ...*turrrns head* ...*stares* ...that was Edison.
Diem: *laughs* same thing. He had an electric keychain or something.
Abel: key...chain. Okay stop. *laughs* you gotta stop.