Incessant Chatterings of Yours Truly

Discussing whether or not husky dogs are creepy (Due to their blue eyes)...

Diem: I was taken down by a husky once.
Toccoto: "Taken Down" or "Mounted"?
Diem: Taken down.
Abel: Are you sure?
Diem: Yeah. It was on one of those leashes you put mentally handicapped kids on so they can run back and forth on...
Toccoto & Abel: *start laughing* What?
Toccoto: I think that's the first time I've heard anyone use the term 'mentally handicapped' while mocking them.
Abel: He's politically correct, damnit!
Toccoto: That's like saying 'Damn, those Native Americans sure do like their fire water.'

As Diem picks up the Tylenol bottle
Abel: You too? I just took some of those.
Diem: Some? How many? Are you okay? Are you depressed?
Abel: I just took a handful and threw them in my mouth.
Diem: It's fine, you have small hands, you probably only got two.

Diem: bono is bad?
Abel: ...how do you know me and not know of my deep loathing for bono and U2?
Diem: see, I knew about U2...
Abel: bono's the main docuhebag in U2!
Diem: psht, like I know anything! The only thing I know about Bono, is Cher.
Abel: *eyes go wiiiiide*
Diem: and I don't even know if that's right!
Abel: ...*in shock* ...its...not.
Diem: okay, there you go. I kept wondering why people kept pronouncing his name differently.
Abel: yeah, Bono and Bono is not like 'crick' and 'creek'. Not the same thing.

Diem: so, I'm reading this article about 'Haircuts Women Love' on men, and they say that 'this guy can pull it off: artists, lazy guys, vampires. This guy cannot: anyone who needs to look remotely professional', and they have a picture of Robert Pattinson.
Abel: that's pretty good. *pause* So. Which is he?
Diem: huh? The...Twilight guy?
Abel: yeah. The artist or the lazy guy; he can't be the vampire.
Diem: hah! Right. Well, he can't act, either so he must be the lazy guy.
Abel *laughs*
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Abel: ...you're playing the good game, right?
Diem: yeah, why?
Abel: two good stories are boring...
Diem: I can be bad if you want.
Abel: I'm debating on being bad.
Diem: can you play bad?
Abel: ... ... ...
Diem: ...because I don't care, I can do either.
Abel takes a deep breath and blurts out in one long run on: ItsAgainstMyNatureAndMakesMeFeelBadForTheLittleDigitalPeopleInTheTV.
Diem laughs: I love you. I'll be a bad girl.
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Abel: itd be neat to live at 1234 5th street.
Diem: yeah. 12345 'th' street.
Abel: I always write in the TH. Or the ND. Or ST.
Diem: me too.
Abel: the little super script. With the line under it.
Diem: I don't do the line. It doesn't need the support. It is /super script/ rawr!!
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Upon seeing a car with an 'actual size' bumper sticker.

Diem: I'm going to get that tattoed.
Abel: .. ... ...*waits for it*
Diem: across my chest.
Abel: *LET DOWN!!!*
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Abel: my chai is spicy today.
Diem: ...you look happy about it...
Abel: I don't know where people get this idea that I hate spice. No! I hate things that taste like shit.
Diem: see, I think I associate it because most ethnic food has spice in it, but you hate ethnic food, so you must hate spice.
Abel: no! That is erroneous! I like spice, I just hate things that taste like shit, like most ethnic food.
Diem: ...
Abel: in the venn diagram of Spicy and Tastes Like Shit, ethnic food is in the intersect.
Diem: ...
Abel: ... ... I'm talking in the Abel-verse.
Diem: okay. I was going to say...there is good ethnic food.
Abel: yeah. Like Taco Bell!
Diem: ... ... *hangs head*
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While in bum-fuck Montana, Diem is trying to tether his phone to the laptop.

Diem *tries to jam the usb into his phone* uh ha ha ha, it doesn't go in that way, huh huh huh...
Abel *looks over. Smirk*
Diem: oh its fine. Just keep jamming it in; it'll stretch.
Abel !!!!
Diem *charming smile* its okay baby. It'll fit.
Abel: Typical guy...
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Talking about Gather through Montana.

Diem: Yeah I figure I'll give you Sheila during gather, if you need to go anywhere or pick anyone up.
Abel *quirk*
Diem: ?? You know. Because she's smaller.
Abel: that's awfull generous since, you know, I don't drive Persephone anyway, and always use Sheila, anyway.
Diem *embarrassed grin* yeah okay well, you know...
Abel: you always use Persephone for work anywa-- *gasp!!!*
Diem: ???
Abel: you're /unemployed/ for /Gather/!!!
Diem: ... Fuck.
Abel: you get to spend /all/ your time with us!
Diem: ...Damnit.
Abel: you did that /just/ for /us/ didn't you?
Diem: ...Shit.
Abel: awwwwwwww!!! Diem LOVES US!!! I must immediately tell /everyone/!
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Coming up on Devil's Tower in Wyoming, we had been awake since six am, with about five hours of sleep on our friend's floor. Needless to say, with a looming cold, Abel was sleeping when Diem woke her up at one of the scenic viewpoints overlooking the tower.

Diem: Hey, wake up for a second.
Abel *bleerily opens her eyes up, without her glasses on* ... ... ...there's a penis on the horizon. Let's take a look at this thing... ... *reaches for glasses*
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While visiting Diem's sister, Fred, we were discussing planning verses execution; specifically, how her ... Eh ... Mr. Reid is great at the first part, not so super on the second.

Fred: yeah, this ones great at planning. He's been planning a trip to Colorado for three years.
Mr. Reid *shrugs*
Fred: he just has to work on the execution part.
Mr. Reid: Yep, I'm working up to it, just can't quite get there.
Diem *reaches over, leveling a look at Mr. Reid with a hand to his shoulder, in most serious, brotherly tone* that part's easy--you just have to find the dot-E-X-E. *immediately doubles over in laughter*
Fred & Abel *start laughing*
Mr. Reid, obviously not a geek. *stares blankly*

Did I mention we had been drinking?
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While in a subway in Minneapolis with my best friend in the universe.

Abel: yeah, we had a discussion about how cupcakes are partially aborted birthdaycakes.
Diem: we did.
Lexington Alexander: what?
Abel: yeah, like a cake that didn't have time to grow big.
Lexington Alexander: No, but what if they were partially aborted wedding cakes. Like, a relationship that died before its time so the wedding cake was aborted.
Abel: oh my gosh, so whenever there's a person who dies, its their birthday cake!
Lexington Alexander: like that 6 year old with brain cancer who left notes all over her parent's house for when she died. Its /her/ cake!
Abel: oh my god that's awful! I'm going to send you a cupcake now with a note in crayon 'enjoy it bitch, I'll never get to!'
Lexington Alexander: hahahahah 'this shouldve been miiiiiiiine!'
Diem: I should dress like a baker. For halloween and say I'm a dream aborter.
Lexington Alexander: I'm picturing this like...close up of a doctor with a vacuum *sucking noises* then a quick switch to a baker with a frosting bag *squish noises* frosting a cake.
Abel: there's our new prochoice commercial. We like cupcakes; keep em coming.
*laughter all around*
Abel: everytime you have an abortion, a baker makes a cupcake.
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While listening to diem's 2004 cd mix labled 'good cd, 04'.

Abel: who is mario wayans??
***song starts***
Abel: oh. That's a relief, because you realize what I initially thought.
Diem: marlon wayans?
Abel: *nodding* In a mario brothers costume...
Diem: *facepalm* no I'm seeing him, in the costume, running around, chasing toad, "aaaaaaah!!!" *mimes grabbing toad and taking a bite out of his head* chewing him up and stuff "we're gonna get fucked up tonight, son!!" *more chewing and screaming*. Blood spraying everywhere, toad with little X'd out eyes, "I'm big now, mutha fucka!"
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While listening to the above song.

Diem: *bursts out laughing*
Abel: ??
Diem: some of the /stuff/ I come up with...you know that part when he says, "You know I think that thing behind you's amazing"?
Abel: *hesitant* y-yes?
Diem: I just imagined a toddler dood telling a toddler chick pulling a duck behind her--you know, those ducks that quack, with the feet? *flaps his hands to immitate the cheap plastic feet flapping*
Abel: *staring. A little scared* y-yeah?
Diem: yeah.
Abel: how did you even get to that?
Diem: okay well, you know, well, okay, he's talking about her ass. I was just thinking, what could be behind her that's just ridiculous? Well, shed have to be pulling something. So what's she pulling? a wagon? No, then thered have to be something in the wagon.
Abel: *still staring. Reaches for her phone* uh huh?
Diem: so, what about a duck with the flappy feet!? Well, if she's pulling one of those, shed be a toddler! So hed be a toddler. And he's freakin' /amazed/ by this walking, quacking duck, with the feet *once more, immitates the rotating plastic feet with his hands*
Abel: ... *typing*
Diem: ... ... Blog?
Abel: yep.
***Metro Station comes on***
Diem: oh /man/ don't even get me started on that guy!!!

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Diem: you know what freaks me out about utah?
Abel: hum?
Diem: they're obsessed with appearances. Everything is very clean and perfect and well done.
Abel: okay.
Diem: and you know who else gives off that well pressed aristocratic vibe?
Abel: ?
Diem: vampires. Right before they attack you.
Abel: !!!
Diem: its true!
Abel: so...utah is run by vampires.
Diem: yes
Abel: I thought it was run by mormons.
Diem: exactly!
Abel: so...vampires are mormons?
Diem: yes.
Abel: right. And leprocauns are gay jews
Diem: now you're getting it! They go around, trying to change people.
Abel: that's why they go door to door, right? Because they're hoping to be invited in, since they can't cross your threshold.
Diem: yes!! The only thing is, I have to figure out how they get around in the sun...
Abel: ... ... Spf 150
Diem: there you go!
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Diem loves driving, after two generations of truck drivers, its in his blood and he's damn good at it! He also has developed a number of theories as to how people should drive, in order to expediate getting from point A to point B. Lo, the Zipper Effect: While in traffic, in a construction zone, two lanes of traffic were merging together. An annoying truck was trying to jam himself in front of us after wed just let a car in. Diem: Damnit people! No! You're breaking the zipper, you're done. Abel: ? Diem: Its like a zipper. *lacing his fingers one after another to illustrate* one side, then the other. When people adhere to the zipper, things flow smoothly. Everything's cool. Abel: Right. Diem: But you try to jam two in there and it breaks the zipper, then you gotta get a new jacket! Abel: ...get a new jacket? Diem: Yeah. ... Jackets keep you warm. Abel: ... ... Yes they do

Today has been a strenuous day, and its only eleven am. Someone from my past told my sister that I was missing. Some vindictive person I told to go away two+ years ago. So I got a panicked phone call waking me up. When talking about jokingly 'allowing' our friend to kick her butt:


Diem: yeah, just what we need; some beaner from North Vegas to go 'straighten her out'.
Abel: Knowing her, she'd try to seduce him.
Diem: *visibly shudders*
Abel: Heh, hey man, you've been there.
Diem: Hey...
Abel: That black hole--
Diem: Hey...
Abel: --Between her legs--
Diem: Hey...
Abel: --Is her only natural defense.
Diem: ... ... *bursts out laughing* NONE SHALL PASS!! *suction/black hole sounds*

Abel: I can't decide on a movie. Rush Hour, or Shanghai Knights? Witty black guy or witty white guy?
Diem: Well...it's not February.
Abel: ... ... ...

Diem: Stupid new pennies!
Abel: What's wrong with them?
Diem: Stupid shield on the back of them.
Abel: Yea... It's very Captain America-ish. I think Stan Lee designed them.

Diem: cupcake or latte?
Abel: latte. I know I love dessert, but I've never been a huge cupcake fan.
Diem: well, you know what cupcakes are essentially, don't you?
Abel: ??
Diem: its an aborted birthday cake.
Abel: !?
Diem: ...essentially.
Abel: ...wow...
Diem: yep, aborted in the first trimester...
Abel: wouldn't that be more like cake batter? Cupcakes are like...partial birth abortions.
Diem: stillborn.
Abel: Yeah.

What you learn from drunken theater chatter:
*Sean connery is low brow
*He was also a mr universe competitor
*he is also M.R., which stands for mentally retarded.
*did you see the new shrek?
*harry potter is for queers
*there are 5 harry potter films and they all suck
*did you see the new shrek?
*ashton kutcher must've blown someone to get his biochem major
*miley cyrus thinks her mom is hot, and she's insecure about it
*did you see the new shrek?

Andie: we're just seeing the sorcerers apprentice because of diems man crush on nick cage.
Diem: yeah, but who /doesnt?/ when I heard him say 'I could eat a peach for hours' I was /done/.

Diem: I put the STD in 'stud', all I need is 'u'.
Abel: ...awesome. And disturbing.

I feel...so familiar right now. So much self loathing....I haven't hated myself like this in a long time. But I do. I hate myself right now. Truly in the pit of my belly, hate. I don't want to kill myself, but I honestly feel as if the world would be better without me in it. My existance is entirely pointless. Just another mouth. Andother carbon print. I hurt...so many people that I love. They hate me. I am stupid. I am dumb. I am...everything he says I am. I am a horrible person.

To find our cat, sila, we went to my friends fathers farm. There were something like three litters of black cats.
Upon picking a cat, we found this one with protuding boobies. It obviously had a litter recently. Diem rejected her souly for that visual reason.

Diem: it wasn't just the boob, it was the nipples! They were huge. I expected some weird tentacle hentai porn to happen. Like...*sound effect, wiggles fingers* it was for our safety. It was octopussy!

Diem: I want a house.
Abel: I know.
Diem: I want a house, so I can buy a deep freeze, so I can put half a cow in it.
Abel: ...that's your master plan, huh?
Diem: yep.
Brian: wait, what?
Abel: that's his master plan.
Diem: yeah. Get a house. Get a deep freezer. Get half a cow. Put it in there.
Brian abel: ..*shrug* kay.

Watching Diem pick tomatoes off his omlette, just to put salsa back on it:
Abel: you're so goofy.
Diem: Why? There's a difference. These tomatoes are alive and kicking, these ones are dead.
Abel: *laughs* what? Is that a technical term?
Diem: no, but there's a difference!
Abel: uh huh...
Diem: yeah, like ketchup. That stuff is /dead/. Its /not/ comin' back.
Abel: ...*laughs*

Abel: I had a dream about bombs and ninjas and ninja zombies and asian bikers and--
Diem: --lots of pot!?
Abel: *laughs*
Diem: seriously, no more busting into that stash right before bed.

I had a dream that someone sent a bomb to gather, & di defused it, but when it didn't blow, these weird asian biker guys in white came in & killed everyone, but they missed Arwyn and I.
We followed them into this square cul-de-sac down an alley with five doors in it. We snuck over to a door to see if we could peek in, & it swung open, & all these ninjas in blue robes came out. We told them what happened, and they rallied two of the other apparent 'clans' in the square (red and green) to bust in on a fourth door and kick ass.
Well...turned out it was the wrong door (black), and the ninjas in white came out the fifth & flanked our buddies & started killing them.
Some really old dude from the red door came out & talked to us, & ressurected some of our buddies, then died.
Then a dude in white made a ton of zombies out of the others, so we ran around slicing and dicing zombie ninjas with huge swords.

After discussing how diem nearly lost an ear at work:

Abel: I'd stay with you if you lost an ear.
Diem: ..well, thank you.
Abel: Yeah, its just a little piece.
Diem: *long thoughtful pause* I think my biggest concern would be sunglasses.
Abel: sunglasses.
Diem: yeah. Would I have to get tinted contacts or something?
Abel: I would think as long as you had a stub left, you'd be fine.
Toccoto: whatre we talking about?
Abel: if diem lost his ear, how hed wear sunglasses.
Toccoto: you could just tape it.
Diem: itd get in the hair, then.
Abel: you could just cut one off a rat's back and staple it on to support it.
Toccoto: or take a Mr. Potato Head ear and jam it in there.
Diem & Abel: *stop and exchange glances*
Abel: thatd work.

Coming upon a kia rondo on the highway with 'for sale' on it...
Diem: look at that, we could get a kia.
Abel: ... Cute little car
Diem: *awkward pause*
Abel: ...what?
Diem: I dunno, just didn't see that car as 'cute'.
Abel: ...its little. Its like a little...beetle.
Its tiny. Its this big dood. *holds up a circle with her fingers, about two inches wide.*
Diem: I think its a kia version of a mini van.
Abel:...what??
Diem: yeah.
Abel: what? How...what?! They're missing the last quarter of their car. Its like the kia version of a mini cooper.
Diem: I don't know, look when it passes, that's what it looks like.
Abel: ...reminds me of your grandmas car.
Diem: her rendezvous?
Abel: yeah, that. Its an optical illusion. Its huge inside. It has some crazy...time space continuum in it. Like someone took a bag of holding and turned it into a car.
Diem: *grin*
Abel: ...what? It is!!

So di diem and I are texting about when di and julie are gone in june, that matt will starve but the dogs will have food.
Apparently, via the diemcyclopedia of knowledge, they have seen that dogs will die beside their owners before eating them. However, the cats will survive.
So, cute little Samantha-- who only moves to pee and to barely hobble to the wicker chest for food-- will eat Matt's face before starving to death, while their beagle, Vesper, will lay down and die. Sam will bite into his eyeball like a plump grape.

Going down the 95, and see a truck with 'knight refrigerated' on the side. I fail to see how knights have anything to do with refrigeration...

Diem: between sheild and persephone, the neavigational ability is somewhat less...
Abel: svelt?
Diem: ...I wouldn't use that word.
Abel: that's because you don't know what it means.
Diem: well...yes, that played a factor.

Well, the Automobile has a name at last. Lady Persephone is born.

Upon seeing a truck from 'seward trucking'
Abel: ...it seems to me that they're missing a 'T'.
Diem:.... ... ... 'Sewtard'?
Abel: what? No. 'Steward'. Sewtard?
Diem: yeah! Like someone who sews but can't quite figure it out.

Abel: ...my leg hair reminds me of jack nicholson; sticking up in every direction for no rhyme or reason.
Diem: you know just what to say to make me want to pounce you, don't you?

Mmm first day I get to spend with diem since being back from disney, and I've decided to torture the poor guy by making him go to redrock with me and hike over to the waterfall. I don't know if its thawed yet, but we'll see! That and I really want to see if the sage is growing yet.
Find a consignment store and sell those puppies!! Dayum.

Top favorite disneyland rides.
(In no particular order):
California Screamin'
Tower of Terror
Muppet Show
Peter Pan
Indiana Jones

List to be continued

I have slowly been coming to terms with the fact that I am a cartoon character.
I wear the same set of clothes for days (weeks) on end, my hair changes dramatically for no reason, I have crazy adventures, I have an arch nemesis, irrational quirks and nuerosis, I don't age, and my friends are ridiculous enough that you would think nobody like that really exists.
These are the main points that lead me to believe that I am indeed a cartoon being written for someone elses enjoyment. But with nudity and lots of cursing. And long stretches of boredom.
I require a talking animal.

So. First three hours in disney land are great. The question is now what do I do with the next four that I'm awake for now that everyone is asleep. Hee.
No, I'm really really glad and grateful to be here. This is amazing.
I'm touched.

We have decided that mr roboto is all about dis vibrator.

Matt: is it cool that I look in your bag? I don't wanna whip out anyones vibrator.
Di: matt!! Niece! 12!
Matt: erm, I mean...
Abel: dildo?
Di: samantha!!
Abel: marital aid?
Di: samantha!!
Abel: electric boyfriend?
Matt: *busts up laughing*
Di: *reaches back to hit me*
Julie: *turns on the radio. Domo arigato mr roboto*
Matt and abel: *crack up again*

Thank you very much mr roboto for helping me escape to where I needed to.
Iv got a secret, I have a secret.

Listen to the lyrics again some time. Hahah! Win!

-Abel

Dear Car In Front Of Us,

I realize that you think you're super cool, with the cb radio and police interceptior/persuit vehicle liscense plate holder and the the fact all your windows are tinted on a shitty black ford. I realize you're going for 'intimidating', but when your vanity plate reads "DEEPCVR", it makes me giggle at you.
The only way Adam Baldwin would be more proud of you would be if it were a crown vic.

Sincerely,
Abel.

Abel: who's in the super bowl this year?
Diem: no clue. I think the vikes made it actually.
Abel: we make it there a lot, we just never win it. Who's the other team? Saints?
Diem: no clue.
Abel: neither do I, I'm just recalling from people's status effects.
Diem: ... ... Oh honey...
Abel: *shock*
Diem: yes, yes you just said that.
Abel: I do not play too many video games!!!

Abel: the guys at work are going to be confused what you brought for lunch.
Diem: yep. What's that? I dunno. Stiglitz.
Abel: ...no dear. Strudle. Stiglitz is the nazi deserter super hero.

So, now that the holidays are officially over and Bear is taking down his holiday lights, Diem obviously needs something else to occupy his time. Because he is a bubbling crock pot of masculinity and must get those urges out in some manner, lest he explode!

But in all seriousness, Diem found the perfect project for us.

One day, driving into our parking lot, there was this sad little table sitting on the corner in front of the office. It was obviously abandoned to whoever would give it a home, but due to some rough handling, upon further examination, it proved to be missing a large middle portion where (presumably) a piece of glass sat. Two days in the hot Nevada sun and being handled with life, the varnish was peeling, it was rather rough and the little wheels underneath it were busted off.

POOR TABLE!

Well, our little apartment is rather full, especially with the inclusion of our friend Brian's ferrets; The Great JinJin Tititi Hoo Choo, Private Citizen and Baron Reginald Von Ziggenfaust III. Who we adore and our cat abhors. REGARDLESS! Of course we take this little table into our home and decide that we're going to fix it.

Not only are we going to fix it. We are going to improve it! BOOYAH!

But, first things first, we need to get the remnants of that varnish off of it.

So, we talk to our lovely Julie to see if she has a power sander. No such luck (But a great thing to keep in mind for her birthday). Lo and behold, though! Bear has not one, but two of them, so we can work on it in tandem.

Bear. My Hero.

The following is a visual representation of our struggle sanding down this table.



Before



After


Before


After






I felt so bad for our neighbors, but oh well! It's finished now! At least all the noisy parts are. We decided not to sand down the middle part just because it would take entirely too much time and effort and it wasn't in that bad a shape to begin with. Everything else is getting a rehaul, though!

Diem felt incredibly manly. Earlier in the day he went over to Dix's house and helped fix his bed. Then got to come home and play with power tools with me! YAY!

Next step: stain, varnish and paint. We discovered that the edge of the bottom piece had a wood-grain sticker on it and has some composite board beneath it. UGH! So we're going to paint it. It's just the edge. It's okay. It'll be fun!

-Abel

After weeks and weeks of Diem going over to help Bear with his Xmas light project, and enjoying his gift to all of Vegas, the lights are coming down. *SIGH*

Ah well. It's a wonderful thing to see. I took Brian, Di and Andie all to see the lights on new years eve. It was actually kind of funny because we drove up and I realized...the lights aren't on. And I don't have Bear or Cyndee's numbers!

I texted Diem (At work) and he was going to call Bear, when this girl walks outside. ACK! I run out of the van (Because strange people sitting outside a van doesn't look odd) and say hi! You...must be Melissa?

Yes! Bear and Cyndee's daughter! The one who was all jealous of our mad lefse skills.

Well eventually we all got out of the car, Cyndee came out and said hi, gave me her number, and turned on the lights. We also got to see the inside village (which I'd seen before, but it's seriously the most impressive winter village I've ever seen and I knew the others would get a kick out of it).

Observe!






Isn't that amazing? The pictures really don't do it justice, the video is so much better because you can see the movement and hear the music.

It just astounds me when someone is so taken by the spirit of any holiday to do things like that. In honesty, it reminds me of my Mama and her halloween decorations and the joy and happiness and fun that it always brings about.

JOY!

Abel