Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Dump Stat

I am a big child.

Discussing another insurance company that did a presentation at work today:

Moi:  It was kind of a bummer. They had some good points, but in general, unless you know what's going to happen, or have some prevalent issues, I'm not sure if it'd be worth the cost.  But that's how I feel about all insurance. This is very much 'IF something happens' kind of stuff.

I feel like...the insurance I have is very 'this enables you to take care of yourself and be proactive' and this one feels very much 'well, if you go to the hospital. If you get cancer. If you are disabled. If you die...'

And I've never been one to put a lot of points in DEF.


Because Life is an RPG. And DEF is apparently my dump stat? Hm. That's probably not a /good/ thing.

Thursday, July 9, 2015

At Diem's birthday dinner. In public mind you.

Diem: Thank you mistress.
Abel: *feigns a punch to Diem's face* ICK STOP IT!
FireRoan: Whoa! That was quick.
Abel: He's not allowed to call me that, its weird. I dont like it.
Diem: May I have another Mistress?
Abel: ICK!
Diem, aggressively: GIVE ME ANOTHER MISTRESS!
Abel: huh. That's oddly better...
Diem: What would that be? Demanding to get hit.
Abel: Well, you'd need a service top...sooo...
FireRoan: Aggressive bottom?
Diem: Dominant bottom?
GS: Demanding bottom?
Diem: So, every gay man I've ever met?

Friday, July 3, 2015

So, for everyone's general awareness, several years ago, I forbade Diem from drinking mountain dew.  A combination of dental problems, addiction and weight seemed to tell me it was necessary.  He still gets it very rarely, but it's a well-known fact and joke that he was an addict.

Sageling: I just watched mountain dew dissolve a rat. Oh IFLS, you are like an accident I cannot look away from.
Diem: See? That is why mountain dew goes on the /inside/, not the /outside/. Besides, my body is not made of rats, just saying. I was born in the *singing along to 'eye of the tiger'* Year of the Tiger.
Abel: I'm a rat.
Diem: See?! /You/ can't have mountain dew. I'm fine.

Sunday, June 28, 2015

Gray Orchid

Laying in bed, avoiding things this morning:

Diem: "You're pretty. Not 'hair flip' pretty, either. You are /actually/ pretty. Like...'I want to pick you and slowly watch you die' kind of pretty."
Abel: "So I'm a flower, now?"
Diem: "Sorta."
Abel: "What kind of flower am I?"
Diem: "...an orchid."
Abel laughs: "So I'm the most temperamental, obnoxious flower that everyone tries to get because it's pretty, but ultimately can't figure out how to care for, so it /dies/?"
Diem: "Yep."
Abel: "And you're the guy with the magic touch, huh?"
Diem: "Yep. I get to watch you send up a spike and bloom new flowers all the time, now."
Abel: "What color are my flowers?"
Diem: "You're asking the color-blind guy?"
Abel laughs.
Diem: "Gray, gray, gray and ultra gray."
Abel: "So...rainbow?"
Diem: "Yeah, that's what I said."

I think I'm flattered?

Saturday, August 2, 2014

While playing a video game:

Diem: I..just...keep crashing into this...fucking tree...
GS: The fucking tree. Not an apple or an orange tree. What comes off of the fucking tree?
Sandnor: A lot of fucks. Oh fuck! Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck!
GS: So that's where fucks are given.
Abel: So it's like the Giving Tree?
GS: It's the give a fuck tree. It's a hybrid.
Abel: That means it's energy efficient, yes?
Sandnor: Well...it's all organic.

Saturday, May 24, 2014

Diem was talking about one of my coworkers as he drove away, because he was holding his wrist in a very feminine manner.

 Diem: "What, does he have a broken wrist or something? I can't even get my wrist to tilt at that angle!"
 Abel: "He's a little teapot...I'm a little teapot, put it in my butt."
 Diem: "I'm a little teapot, I like tea bags...put your balls in my mouth. No more metaphors, just do it. Awl-lauwl-lauwl-lauwl..."
Abel: "Yes. That is exactly how that goes."

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Diem: Yay! Arm Flail!
Mandy: Lol. Double arm flail!
Diem: Double arm flail with a leg twitch!
Mandy: Double arm flail...with a leprechaun jump-heel click!
Diem: Double arm flail, with a leprechaun jump-heel click, while shouting declarations of adoration!
Mandy: Double arm flail, riding a pegacorn while farting a double rainbow of skittles and shouting declarations of adoration!
Diem: Broadsword to your pegacorn's neck while a dagger disembowels it, allowing me to string up its intestines as Christmas decorations!
Mandy: ..........I guess you decided to go another direction with all that...
Diem: hahaha! its blood will sustain me for another millenia!
Mandy: And the people will rejoice! Yay... waves little flag feebly.

Friday, December 14, 2012

While speaking to Diem about one of my coworkers:

Abel: She's really great at keeping conversations going. She switches topics a lot and it just keeps it rolling.
Diem: ... ...heee. She kept talking in one long incredibly unbroken sentence moving from topic to topic it was really quite hypnotic.
Abel: Hah! Whoa, whoa, whoa! I didn't say that! I said she kept conversations going!
Diem: This is a case of what Abel said and what Diem understood.
Abel: Our relationship revolves around situations like this, doesn't it? I say something and your mind goes through its inner catalogue of movies and internet memes to try to find a sentence or a word or /something/ that might kind of sort of perhaps possibly relate to what I just said, and then your mind tries to re-explain the entire conversation to you, using said movie or meme.
Diem: Pretty much. 'This has three matching words!'
Abel: Clippy pops up or something.
Diem: 'I noticed you're trying to have a conversation! Does this help?' No, not really, but it's funny so I'm going to say it anyway.
Abel: 'I noticed you're trying to understand your girlfriend. Does this help?' No, but then again, nothing does, so let's try it.

Tuesday, December 4, 2012


A conversation via text:

Diem: I don't like "We Bought A Zoo". All the feeeeeeels!
Abel: Aw. Why did it make you sad?
Diem: FUCK YOU! That's why!
Abel: FINE! So's your face!
Diem: Code: There was the father-son mending relationship crap.
Abel: You really can only communicate your feelings through internet memes and movie quotes...

Friday, September 14, 2012

Pulling up to a stoplight, next to a car playing 'smack that', diem has the urge to race.
Abel: you...
Diem: hey they raced too! I'm kinda surprised too.
Abel: hum?
Diem: well they have a...uh...child...carrier.
Abel: a child carrier? Like a cat carrier?
Diem: carseat! That's it!
Abel: ...child carrier. Wow.