Saturday, May 30, 2009

I have decided that I'm going to be a webcam girl.

Okay, I'm joking, you caught me. But /STILL/, you have to admit there is something just strange about that whole underbelly world.

I remember being a kid and watching "Girl 6" and being completely, ridiculously intrigued. What makes it so taboo? Maybe it's because it is a taboo that makes me look at it twice. People like to pretend it doesn't exist. That human sexuality doesn't exist. Yes, with people getting so wound up about sexuality and preferences and such lately, I can see a little bit of sensitivity on the matter, and yes, what happens in the bedroom is a private ordeal but what is it about selling sex makes us so uncomfortable?

Maybe that's what intrigues me about it. just people's reactions. And I find, as I get older, things that seemed so outrageous and embarrassing and weird and taboo...really don't seem to be that big of a deal anymore.

I digress a bit.

Phone sex isn't anything new. No more than strip clubs, naughty picture shows and burlesque. But the evolution is amazing. And it's something that is always here, will always be here and conforms to the years and the trends. We've seen the evolution of sex and technology, and I'm not just talking about vibrators, here. Entire websites based off of porn. Movies, live web shows, pictures, you name the fetish they have it. I once found a website that told a person how to have sex with a bottle-nosed dolphin. In fact... *pause* Here it is.

No, I don't remember how I found it, but it was maybe six years ago now. The site was made in 1996. It's wild. And that fucker better thank me for the hits he's about to receive. Yes, thank you for scarring me as a 'child'. Feel my love.

Not that dolphin sex or zoophilia is anything new that's suddenly come up with the technology era. Though I am saying that you can find websites out there for anything. Technology has liberated the sex lives of so many people (Except the amish of course. SUCKS TO BE YOU!). It's astounding to think of what's developed thanks to technology.

It makes me think about all those kinks that maybe never would have been invented if someone didn't burn themselves out looking at eastern asian young pre-op male to female transgendered folks shitting on the faces of old goats while masturbating and ejaculating onto the chests of some scottish middle-aged pregnant woman.

I mean. Where do you go from there?

Futhermore, now with our phones basically becoming tiny, cancer causing computers we stick up to our heads, we have sex lines that are through text only.

Yes, sex text.

I know this because I applied for such a job. And on my application, I literally wrote "This is mostly because of morbid curiosity. Mostly. The other parts would be because I am literate, I have free text messages, am up during prime masturbatory hours and I know enough sex lingo and have read enough Anne Rice erotica that I could make Ron Jeremy blush."

Yeah, I don't expect them to call me, either. But I'll let you know how that goes.

Technology is an amazing thing when linked with our primal needs. Especially primal needs we've learned to be ashamed of.

And so, with the sex industry in mind, here are some adult sites. Perv.

Adam & Eve, Cyber Nooky, Sex Stories Post, Literotica, A Sex Stories (Which still bothers me as a name considering the singular and plural), Eden Fantasys.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Ok, you'll have to bear with me since I'm not quite the linguistic expert as my other half. If you haven't figured it out... I'm Diem. I'm the one with the whole automotive, hands on, getting dirty, lets build stuff kinda mentality.

I first started out looking for things to save gas in my car. I found out what some people are doing to try to save gas. But ripping out my seats, bashing off my side mirrors and putting cardboard in the grill to lighten the weight of the car and increase the aerodynamics were things I wasn't really willing to do, especially since I like having a place for people to sit in my car, as well as seeing behind me and not blowing up my engine by cutting off it's air supply. I wanted something different.

I actually stumbled across my next project. (pause for dramatic effect) Flux capacitor!!! Well, not really. It's a hydrogen cell made from a mason jar. Suprisingly, not incredibly difficult to make and install. Some of the parts, i.e. the wire, can be hard to find, but not impossible. With a little help from my dad and his tools that I didn't have. I successfully built and installed my first hydrogen cell. It does work, it still does. At first, I boosted my gas mileage quite a bit, but then the stupid computer decided to adjust for it. There are ways to compensate and actually manually adjust the amount of gas that goes into the engine, but that seemed a bit too complicated for me. But I'm not going to complain about my extra 6-8 mpg.

Lately, I've been all interested in the concept of electric cars and I REALLY want to find some shell of a car and build an electric car. Not just for the reason of it being cheaper and easier to maintain (less moving parts and grease), not just for the reason that it's more eco-friendly (zero emissions), but because I think it would be awesome to have a car that I've basically built and something different from everything else on the road.

I've been doing research on it, how to do it, what it would cost, what's involved, the batteries, recharging, all that fun stuff. I've also found, that people are doing it. There's places all over that will help you do it. And, what the price is, to go from gas to electric. I'm still doing my research and for now, there's nothing I can do but keeping my eyes on my goal.

I came across this listing of websites that actually shows other websites that do electric conversions. There's a few of them that offer classes on how to convert and some that just convert it for you. Average cost is about $5,000. Now if you can find a cheapo car from a junkyard, drop the five grand into the shell, you wouldn't have to worry about oil changes or transmission fluid. $40 oil changes every 3 months and a radiator flush every year or two, $30 in gas every couple of weeks vs. the $5000 one time purchase converstion, the low cost electricity from charging at night, and the replacement batteries every couple years (still looking for cost on that).

I know that not every vehicle out there can become and electric, but we can start on a few, spread the word, that sorta thing. We're still gonna need the big rigs (which /can/ use the hyrdogen cells) using the diesel and I'm sure a lot of people are going to want to keep they're fossil fuel cars, it's human nature to avoid change.

But yes, I've chattered for long enough. I want an electric car because I think it would be neat. I already have a hydrogen cell to help with my gas mileage. I currently just have maintenence projects on our car and our friends' cars. Joy of joys :)

-Diem

Intro...

Because 1200 characters is just too short a space since I'm a long winded hussy. Allow me to paint you a picture, hm?


Not just a fancy way of remembering Deoxyribonucleic acid, DnA -- or D&A -- is a troublesome duo of nomadic tribesmen who have now accidentally stumbled into the southwest area.

Originating from the frozen peaks of the Minnesotan tundra, they themselves tend to embody the erratic temperature, climate and seasonal flow of their home. Roughly predictable, but still rather drastically differing in the detailing.

Diem: Also known as "Dieminating Juan", the jovial, energetic, compassionate, even-keeled young man is listed as the fourteenth wonder of the world. Just edged out of the thirteenth slot by his own curious ability to cope with the somewhat mercurial temper of his counterpart. With an intense favoring for anything edible, he has a tendency to obsess over things that currently spark his interest. Ranging from Lady Gaga's newest music video to how to build your own hydrogen cell out of a mason jar and install it in your car. His newest high hope? To build an electric/solar car.


Abel: This little spritely creature is a little bit more of a bang for your buck than it may seem at first. Curious, mercurial, and jovial, she can go from cynical to enlightened in precisely 3.7 seconds without warning. Dabbling in any number of things from art to crocheting to how to kick your ass, she is a collaboration of contradictions. And likes it that way. Likely the more vocal, quick tempered, vengeful and protective of the two, as with all Scorpios, handle with care.

She is also the more longwinded of the two and likely while she is often inspired by the Diem, will most likely be the more continually vocal one on this silly little bit of blog.


Your hosts.

(Deity of your choosing) help us all.

My mother once told me that misery breeds creativity.
Well, looking back in history, high quantities of hallucinogenics; infatuation with whores; infatuation with children in a manner that makes Mr. Rodgers look creepier than usual; infatuation with your brother's wife, your brother's mother, anyone else possibly related to you or your any other sibling; addiction to alcohol or opiates; just being bored; dead people; living people we love; living people we hate; dead people we wish were alive so we could hate them more productively; buzzing off of caffeine; schizophrenia; divine intervention and any number of other things.

Which one of those do you think inspires me to draw up ridiculous little stick figures? Hrmmm...

Oh well, regardless, here's another delicious little tidbit from the Hoover family trip earlier this spring. Fancy that that Logan was over visiting the pops at the same time.

Rather typical exchange between the three tweens. Love Michaela's wavy hair but /damn/ are curves like that a pain in the ass to ink up sometimes without looking jagged and like she stuck her damn finger in an electrical socket. *snickers* Que sera, sera. Turned out none too shabby.

Five AM. I must be lonely.

Yeah, that's not how the song goes, so sue me. *grins*

Night, folks.

2
§Abel

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

*ahem, very professional manner*
In the spirit of holidays after Saints, I have taken it upon myself to tell you of another, lesser known Saint.

Saint Christopher Walken.

Yes...I am serious.

Now, the history behind this Saints story is quite a tale and has been verified by all of the highest christian scholars.
The exact date is under debate, some say sometime around 13th century while others date it back as far as 48.2 AD, there was a great man known as "Khristoffer Waulkenin". A devout believer in Jesus Christ, out lord and savior. *

Though his belief was strong, he became preoccupied with the eternal question of Jesus' exact birth date, which as we've seen has been under a certain amount of speculation. There are some that claim some ridiculously poppycock tale about pagans and trees and something called a "Solstice", which we all know is ridiculous because Pagans, much like the laughable concept of a round earth, is completely myth.

The biggest piece of information these unbelievers hold to is the passage in the birth of Our Lord that includes shepherds being in the fields, which only happens in the spring to summer, not winter.

Saint Khristoffer studied the facts and took great lengths to prove that these shepherds were not 'in the field' but instead searching for their flock of...not sheep, but cows, which were known to roam the country side of Jerusalem wild and free as locusts. **

Now, Khristoffer in his studies and searches went to Jerusalem to observe the cows and to become closer to his subject matter. While there, he Discovered the crypt of Rufus, the 13th apostle of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior. Which was oddly enough filled with Bently Rims, approximately 40oz bottles of mead and something they categorized as "Massive Bling Bling".

But along with these findings, inside the coffin with the remains was a single Cow Bell.

Mysterious as it was, upon looking further in the crypt he found old scrolls that carbon dated back to the same time as the Dead Sea Scrolls, but written in a strange kind of 'urbanised' version of Aramaic.

Once translated, these scrolls clarified the ongoing debate and told of the infamous Cow Bell of Jesus Christ.

It seems that the lost cows were simply an intervention by the Lord God to have the Shepherds stray. Being that the cow's natural mating time is in the dead of winter, the shepherds gave chase, hoping to hear the bells that they had tied to the cows.

The herd of cows, a cow being a true and noble creature, they found their way toward the holy devine light of the newborn Christ Baby. Upon seeing this odd creature, Baby Jesus reached up with a stick found in the manger and began to hit the bell hanging around the cow's neck. The Shephards soon heard the ruckus and stumbled upon the small gathering at the manger and beheld the Christ Child hitting the cow bell.

The symbolism of the baby in a golden colored diaper comes from the fact that when they came upon the Babe, he had wet himself and thus, the rags he was wrapped in were stained a rather bright golden yellow. ***

Upon discovering all of this, Saint Khristoffer took the evidence and the bell to the masses, hitting the cow bell with a stick and calling out "Yay, for I come onto thee bearing the cow bell. Being a God Fearing Man, I must haveth the more of the Divine sound of the Cow Bell! More! More Cow Bell, Yay sayeth onto the Lord!"

Many discounted him as insane, and was immediately martyred by farmers who took the bells from their cows and bludgeoned him to death with them. Though after hearing tales of Saint Khristoffer and the Divine Cow Bell and the nobility of the Cow and his part in the Baby Christ's birth, many Hindus began to worship the noble creature as a messenger of God, which it remains to this day.

Through years and years of English Corruption, the Name Saint Khristoffer Waulkenin was changed to the more acceptable and generally easier to say "Christopher Walken". Some say he was granted a second life, a rising much like Christ from the Lord himself for his astonishing uncoveries. Though this is but a theory, a myth, much like Big Foot or the Lock Ness Monster.

Your Daily history lesson, my dear.
-Abel

Ancient Painting found of Baby Jesus in the Crypt of Apostle Rufus



*Though we all know while Jesus Saves, Abel Spends
**Something Beautiful to behold and is still a great attraction to tourists who go to visit Jerusalem, the wild roaming cows of the plains.
***Few know of this but Jesus' First Miracle was turning Urine to gold, thus his diaper actually -was- gold and were given to the shepherds, the kings and any others who stopped by as parting gifts, as well as kept his family well off for many years.


For those of you who are just going "What the fuck?" ... You obviously haven't seen enough SNL Skits.
-§Abel

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